Perfection is a sad and lonely place: A study of existential vulnerability in the life stories of persons struggling with perfectionism

ABSTRACT

Under what life conditions do individuals turn to perfectionistic striving and ideals as a solution? The present paper examines how people with perfectionism narrate their relationship to our shared existential vulnerability; that we are vulnerable as human beings, and that the ways we relate to this vulnerability have consequences for psychological health. In the present qualitative study, we explored the life narratives told by nine students with perfectionism, drawing on semi-structured life-story interviews. We conducted an explorative-reflexive thematic analysis and identified five themes: 1) Outside—Feeling Alienated, 2) Relating to Chaos, 3) Trying to Control the Painful and Uncontrollable, 4) Islands of Just Being and Positive Contact, and 5) Heading Toward a Balance Between Doing and Being. Their perfectionism can be seen as a way of handling existential vulnerability at a point in their lives where relational resources needed to stay firm in a vulnerable state are lacking. Perfectionistic themes influence their personal identity in the domain of narrative constructions, values, belongingness, and embodiment. Accomplishments were dominant themes in the plots of their narrative self-constructions and values. They felt their “self-made” identities kept others at a distance. However, we also found strivings for a more fulfilling life with broader self-definitions.

KEYWORDS:

• Perfectionism
• narrative identity
• qualitative study
• existential vulnerability
• psychological health

Disclosure statement

The authors declare that the research was conducted in the absence of any commercial or financial relationships that could be construed as a potential conflict of interest.

Additional information

Funding

The author(s) reported there is no funding associated with the work featured in this article.

Notes on contributors

Per-Einar Binder

Per-Einar Binder is a professor in clinical psychology, and a specialist in clinical psychology and psychotherapist with 27 years of experience. His main research interests are mindfulness-based interventions, experiential and existential approaches to psychotherapy, migrant mental health, theoretical and philosophical psychology, qualitative research methods and narrative identity.

Vivian Irena Woodfin

Vivian Woodfin is a clinical psychologist and research fellow with 6 years of clinical experience. She currently works with mentalization based therapy and trauma, and is a trained mindful self-compassion teacher. Her current research interests are change processes in psychotherapy, self-compassion interventions in clinical settings, and perfectionism.

Aslak Hjeltnes

Aslak Hjeltnes is an associate professor in clinical psychology with 13 years of clinical experience. He has training in cognitive-systemic, emotion-focused therapy and mindfulness-based therapy. His current research interests are change processes in psychotherapy, empathy, humanistic-existential psychology, psychotherapy integration and history of psychology.