A Long Parents’ Journey After Children’s Coming Out: Obstacles, Relationships, Generativity, and Life Balance

ABSTRACT

Parents’ perspective on their child’s coming out (CO) remains an under-researched area, especially the investigation of parents adapting to their role post-CO years. The study qualitatively explored parents’ recollections of their children’s CO, spanning over 15 years. The study involved 15 parents (9 mothers, 6 fathers) of 4 lesbian daughters (Mage = 20.7; SD_age = 7.8) and 11 gay sons (M_age = 23.0; SD_age = 6.2). A semi-structured interview was employed to probe parents’ responses to their child’s CO and the long-term evolution of their CO experiences (M = 20.1; SD = 4.8). A thematic analysis was conducted through the software ATLAS.ti. Four themes were observed: (1) risk and protective factors; (2) effects of CO on relationships; (3) parents’ generativity; (4) life balance. Acceptance challenges included a lack of LGBQ+ awareness and difficulties in sharing the disclosure with extended family, particularly grandparents. Parents reported numerous strategies, some involving parental generativity, like LGBQ+ activism. Milestones like marriage and the arrival of grandchildren reinforced parents’ protective role as they aged, with the child’s LGBQ+ disclosure marking a transformative moment leading to a more authentic relationship.

KEYWORDS:

• Coming out
• parent-child relationship
• parent narratives
• LGBQ+ people
• family generativity
• qualitative analysis

Disclosure statement

No potential conflict of interest was reported by the author(s).

Additional information

Funding

This project was supported with funding from Next Generation EU, in the context of the National Recovery and Resilience Plan, Investment PE8 – Project Age-It: “Ageing Well in an Ageing Society”. This resource was co-financed by the Next Generation EU [DM 1557 11.10.2022].