Fair play: a review

Abstract

Equity within homes and relationships has been and continues to be a contemporary topic within today’s culture. This media review of the documentary, Fair Play, produced by Jennifer Siebel Newsom, furthers this discussion by observing three families, who are followed within the series. In this review, the coauthors discuss the content of the documentary itself, as well as, reflect on the thoughts and feelings the documentary evokes around our own understandings of household labor practices and how gender relates to the equity within heteronormative relationships. The review concludes with a brief overview of some of the clinical implications as tied to the documentary.

Keywords:

• Household labor
• gender equity
• gender roles
• documentary review
• family structures

Fair Play

Documentary written and directed by Jennifer Siebel Newsom (2022)

A review

Fair Play is a 2022 documentary written and directed by Jennifer Siebel Newsom, based on the book, Fair play: A game-changing solution for when you too much to do (and more life to live), by Eve Rodsky (2019). In the film (and book), Siebel Newsom and Rodsky highlight how dominant gender roles affect families and create an imbalance of domestic work between men and women. The film features three heterosexual couples who discuss when and how they noticed their workload differed and what adjustments they made towards being more equitable in housework and childcare. Through interacting with the personal lives of the heteronormative couples, the connection was made that these aspects of family life connect to cultural and systemic issues across the country and the world. Of note, throughout this review, we (KR, AT, KL, & JR) use gender binary terms like men or women due to the film’s target audience of mainstream heterosexual, differing gender couples and our understanding of Siebel Newsom and Rodsky’s intention to create more visibility and conversations that will expand gender roles and gender equity. We have also used Haworth and Michael Warner’s definitions of heteronormativity as the complex social, political, legal, economic, and cultural systems that together construct the primacy, normalcy, and dominance of heterosexuality. This author also quoted Michael Warner’s definition of heteronormativity as heterosexual culture’s interpretation of itself as the natural, inevitable, structure of society (Howarth, 2004, p. 260).

The documentary discusses what traditional gender roles have meant for both men and women in the United States over the past century. Historically, the role of men included being career-driven and providing for their families, while women were responsible for domestic care and emotional labor. Domestic care refers to both the seen and unseen tasks needed to manage a household, such as housework, scheduling, shopping, childcare, and executive tasks. Emotional labor includes tasks like anticipating the needs and assuring the happiness of all family members. While a dual-income home has become more prevalent and necessary since the female liberation movement of the 1960s, there has been a slower shift to equitable distribution of household labor.

This imbalance of workload, both emotional and domestic tasks, was reinforced in the film by citing that women still do two-thirds of household work and childcare compared to one-third of the tasks completed by their male counterparts (Siebel Newsom, 2022). The film shares the term, “invisible work,” coined by Arlene Kaplan Daniels in a 1987 journal article. Daniels (1987) describes how common and often unseen domestic tasks regularly go unnoticed in society. She argues that women typically are expected to complete these tasks for which society benefits without compensation, recognition, and/or validation (Daniels, 1987; Siebel Newsom, 2022). Today, not much has changed despite the larger percentage of women in the workforce (BLS Report, 2021). This lack of evolution continues to perpetuate problematic aspects of patriarchy and capitalism.

Also discussed in the film is how career fields, frequently dominated by women, including child care, elder care, and teaching positions, are often lower-paying jobs. The coauthoring team (KR, AT, KL, & JR) felt a sense of validation in the film’s call to action and identification that one way to shift the dynamics of dominant gender roles and invisible labor within the home requires addressing systemic inequalities, such as the rate of pay for women. When brought back to the lives of the three featured couples, we see the impact of uneven task loads on their families and relationships. Men expressed not feeling as close to their wives nor children as they had hoped and intended, while wives expressed feeling burnt out, alone, and unsure of how long they would be able to last in their relationship.

The documentary closed with the recognition that larger cultural and systemic discourses validate the challenge women face due to the disparity of invisible labor delegated due to traditional gender roles. It shows that there is a connection between what women, men, and families experience in their private lives based on omnipresent societal norms and expectations around them. With this revelation, the film reveals that personal lives can benefit from education, policy development, and other modifications made at both political and societal levels. For progress to be made, a shift in overall views of dominant gender norms needs to be introduced and accepted. The film concludes by leaving the observer with a call to action, specifically by calling for governmental assistance and policy change to foster cultural shifts like prioritizing parental leave and child care.

This coauthoring team (KR, AT, KL, & JR) felt a range of emotions when engaging with the media. There was anger at the dominant cultural messaging “that women’s time is undervalued by society as seen in corporate settings, parental leave, and through invisible labor,” shared by Eve Rodsky (Siebel Newsom, 2022). The undervaluing of women’s time was demonstrated when Rodsky shared the “Sh*t I Do” list. The list compiled the amount of time she and other mothers take to complete invisible tasks within their homes. The invisible labor, inclusive of what is on the list, was exacerbated and largely recognized during the quarantine period and early years of the Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19) pandemic.

We (KR, AT, KL, & JR) appreciated the celebration of queer partnerships as related to how their dominant partnership counterparts might more successfully navigate invisible labor in their homes by using their example. This was showcased in the film through the interview of a few couples and focusing on their strengths. Although the acknowledgment of queer couples’ experiences could have been more expansive, Siebel Newsom and Rodsky highlighted several ways similar-gender couples are more likely to have equity and communicate their roles within the home. One example was how two male-identifying partners chose to communicate about parental roles and the division of labor in their home prior to adopting a child. Their in-depth discussion went as far as to include ten-year financial goals for the family as a whole. The proactive approach utilized by the couple to prepare for their growing family can serve as a model heteronormative couples can benefit from. The example this specific similar-gender couple provided, portrays the advantage of having these conversations early and explicitly discussing expectations for the division of labor within the home.

By taking the time to highlight the strengths of queer couples, our coauthoring team (KR, AT, KL, & JR) is hopeful that it will help those stuck in traditional gender roles to spark conversations of greater equity in their domestic and familial responsibilities. Siebel Newsom and Rodsky’s documentary provided a digestible and approachable introduction for the perceived target audience of cisgender, heterosexual, monogamous couples and families. The coauthors (KR, AT, KL, & JR), however, felt the information would also apply to any relational constellation seeking a more equitable delegation of invisible work. We also noticed an opportunity for the documentary to include learning from polycules and other non-binary relational structures, but agreed that the effort could unintentionally alienate the intended audience.

Due to the myopic focus on dominant relational structures, we (KR, AT, KL, & JR) viewed this documentary as safe, and possibly underwhelming to those who have an awareness of relational equity and a desire for a balanced mental load. This documentary creates a space to foster conversations within heteronormative, differing-gender family structures, who may feel the pressure of uneven responsibilities and gender inequity, but who struggle to find the entry point. We were ultimately pleased with this documentary as a resource for couples seeking to rebalance and renegotiate their roles and responsibilities. By keeping the focus on heterosexual, differing-gender, monogamous couples, who are typically most affected by dominant gender roles, this documentary is able to cater to the potential comfort levels of that demographic while still pushing the needle towards inclusivity and personalized relational agreements.

The Fair Play documentary (Siebel Newsom, 2022) is an accessible way to combine psychoeducation and prescriptive interventions outside of psychosexual and relational therapy sessions. Integrating this documentary into treatment offers multiple suggestions for the couple to create structure within their relationship that supports new rules for communication through daily check-ins. Using structured check-ins, as well as fostering open dialogue between partners, can reinforce therapeutic treatment by allowing couples to discuss the impact of the current inequity on their relationship. Furthermore, using such rules and boundaries around communication can allow for insight into the individual’s family of origin and experience of their upbringing with regard to their relational engagement later in life.

In conclusion, we (KR, AT, KL, & JR) found the Fair Play documentary to be a helpful introduction for those exhausted by the disparity of invisible work as it relates to dominant, traditional cisgender gender roles within relationships. The documentary definitely provides an opening for larger conversations about balancing the domestic workload within heterosexual, cisgender, monogamous relationships, especially for those who have not yet considered the possibility of such flexibility and equity around said responsibilities. We recommend this film to any clinician or client who wishes to introduce and explore conversations around shared domestic workload.

Disclosure statement

No potential conflict of interest was reported by the author(s).