Motherhood, COVID-19, and the postgraduate research experience: personal practice-based design insights

Abstract

This practice-based report presents my experiences as a mother, Lecturer, and Doctoral Researcher during the COVID-19 pandemic lockdowns in the UK. Employing a postdigital storytelling approach, I created the film ‘The Covid Diaries’ to tell the story of my roles as mother and academic during the pandemic. As a practice-based design doctoral researcher, making the film became a cathartic exercise in meaning-making. Telling a digital story of my ongoing design research journaling evolved into a qualitative research tool, capturing personal experiences, emotions, and reflections. Through narrative, visuals, and audio, the film portrays the challenges, uncertainties, and resilience of a primary caring parent undertaking doctoral studies during these unprecedented times. It also reveals broader concerns about the treatment of primary caring parents within academic institutions and funding bodies throughout the pandemic. Reflecting on the film-making process, I describe the complexities of identity, self-censorship, and the unique temporal rhythms of research and caregiving. This report contributes to the discourse on transformative experiences and challenges faced by primary caring parents in academia during the pandemic, particularly those undertaking practice-based design research.

Keywords:

• COVID-19 pandemic
• practice-based design research
• digital storytelling
• motherhood
• parenthood
• doctoral research

Introduction

As the coronavirus disease 2019 (COVID-19) pandemic spread, its impact reverberated everyday lives across the planet. For many, no aspect of life remained the same. As a primary caring mother, Hourly Paid Lecturer, and PhD student in the UK, the pandemic turned my carefully balanced roles upside down. It forced a profound re-evaluation of my abilities and priorities. This report is part of my reflexive practice which situates me – a mother-designer-practice-based-design for health-doctoral researcher within the experience of postgraduate research during COVID-19.

Within this report, I openly and vulnerably discuss my experiences, illustrating the intricate intersections of care and academia during these challenging times. At the time of the first UK lockdown, I was in the second year of my AHRC-funded PhD and was working in a as an Hourly Paid Lecturer. I am the primary caring parent of two young children, who were both at primary school at the time. For their privacy, I will not go into their experiences. However, like many children in the UK, they were affected significantly by their experiences during COVID-19, and the consequences of these experiences are ongoing. This report presents the short film ‘The Covid Diaries,’ which chronicles my journey through the pandemic, leveraging the power of digital storytelling to weave together personal anecdotes, visual metaphors, and audio narration. Through my practice-based approach, I highlight the multifaceted challenges, transformative moments, and broader issues that shaped my path as a primary caring parent in academia.

Academic motherhood during Covid times

The COVID-19 pandemic disproportionately impacted women (UN (United Nations)) 2020), who face underrepresentation and inequalities within the discipline of design (Design Council 2018; Kimbell et al. 2021) and academia more broadly (Pinho-Gomes et al. 2020). Children were severely and unequally impacted by the pandemic (Holt and Murray 2022). Supporting these children and juggling factors, including home schooling, put a strain on many parents and their mental health, particularly primary caring parents, who are most frequently mothers (Xue and McMunn 2021). Beyond its immediate health implications, the pandemic also exacerbated pre-existing health and socio-economic disparities (UN (United Nations)) 2020). Women are particularly vulnerable to these disparities, commonly assuming a heightened burden of the pandemic’s indirect health consequences, which continue long after vaccination programmes (UN (United Nations)) 2020).

It is important to note that many other intersecting factors, notably ethnicity, and poverty shaped pandemic experiences, as evident in the reported disproportionate impact on children and families from Minority Ethnic backgrounds (Chadderton 2023) and poorer families (Whitehead, Taylor-Robinson, and Barr 2021). I witnessed friends and family shielding for various reasons, including following cancer treatment and living with disabilities. It feels important as a White British able-bodied, financially secure woman who did not need to shield, to acknowledge the many and varied compounded inequities faced by mothers, parents, and families during this period. I feel a tension between the 'mustn’t grumble’ Yorkshire working-class mindset that I grew up with and my urge to share my experiences. While making the film and writing this article, this friction occupied a significant space in my internal narrative. Nevertheless, unique experiences highlight the role of individual identity factors, including parental status, in shaping pandemic experiences. As Graylee (2020, 1) stresses, pandemics amplify existing societal inequalities. Importantly, Bazzano et al. (2023) emphasize that those most affected by health inequalities and the pandemic are often overlooked in research, both as participants and researchers, hampering progress towards health equity.

While it was recommended that employers be aware of the challenges that had been put on parents, especially mothers during the pandemic (Dawes et al. 2021), postdoctoral researcher parents (whether funded or not) usually occupied a position outside the buffers designed for academic staff and non-doctoral students. While UK Universities put in place ‘no detriment’ policies for undergraduate and postgraduate taught students, and government schemes were introduced to support employers and employees to minimize the impacts of the pandemic, many postgraduate researcher mothers, and primary caring parents, and those in precarious academic roles fell through holes these within rules and regulations.

These differences underscore the need to adopt a gendered and situated perspective when analysing the experiences of doctoral researchers throughout the pandemic. If institutions aim to establish diverse and inclusive research environments working to mitigate health inequalities, prioritizing support for postgraduate researchers significantly impacted by the pandemic must become imperative.

My PhD research explores public breastfeeding through design. The study aims to develop new insights into UK breastfeeding customs to enable more supportive, sustainable, and inclusive practices. I adopt the definition of ‘sustainable’ from the 1987 United Nations Brundtland Commission, which defined sustainability as ‘meeting the needs of the present without compromising the ability of future generations to meet their own needs’ (Brundtland 1987). My interpretation of this definition, in the context of my doctoral research does not artificially separate global and individual health. I connect foundational systems of care which underly other systems (Van Esterik and O’Connor 2017). Researching during COVID-19 times emphasized the intricate webs of health and care interdependencies: my health depends on your health, which, in turn, depends on the complex networks, systems, and webs of planetary health. These connections reinforced my commitment as a ‘design for health’ researcher to work systemically, fundamentally considering the origins and consequences of our) health (Myers 2017). Amidst this, the systemic exploration of global and human health intersectionality gained heightened significance within my thinking and doctoral thesis.

Within my doctoral inquiry, I use Tham’s (2022) meta-design framework to connect ‘me, to we, to world, and back again’ as I make sense of my research situation and navigate my research process within these uncertain times. This practice involves understanding the role of 'me’ within my research and not artificially separating my experiences from my doctoral thesis. After all, me-the-mother, me-the-breastfeeder and me-the-designer allows me-the-researcher ‘easy access to all kinds of details that would be otherwise difficult to study’ (Mol 2021, 24). Acknowledging the importance of positionality in research in this way means that, me the mother-doctoral researcher negotiating the challenges of COVID-19 also becomes an important factor of the research.

‘The Covid Diaries’ film

Central to this report is the short film ‘The Covid Diaries,’ developed from my critical journaling diaries, which is integral to my scholarly inquiry through practice-based design (Sadokierski 2019, 2020). ‘The Covid Diaries’ is an example of digital storytelling, which typically has a first-person voice-over narration. The film is available to view via this link https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EiUbjvxWQ5g.

Digital storytelling (DST) as a mode of practice originated in the 1990s, initially as a part of a community development arts project (Gladstone and Stasiulis 2019). My application of DST aligns with the rapid evolution of creative health research. DST involves the creation of concise videos, typically lasting 2 to 3 minutes, with other audio or visual elements (Gladstone and Stasiulis 2019). The Covid Diaries is an example of a ‘postdigital’ storytelling approach (Jordan 2019) as I blend digital and non-digital modes of practice. Postdigital storytelling resits artificially separating digital and non-digital storytelling practices (Jordan 2019), which weave through the film. Hand-drawn elements were taken from my PhD journal (Figures 3 and 4) and then digitized and animated within the film (Figures 3 and 4). This technique was used throughout the film.

Through making the film, I have made deliberate choices about the choice of words and animated illustrations, which are all taken directly from the journals. Notable is also what is absent—of which there is a considerable amount of material – presented in the film as the act of flipping through pages. This intentional exclusion carries relevance and conveys that there is much more in these journals and experiences than in these snippets. I purposefully avoided creating a polished film, as the objective was not to showcase my filmmaking skills. Instead, I approached this project as a design research endeavour, utilizing film as a medium to narrate my personal research journey.

By selecting excerpts from my hand-drawn and handwritten journals, I crafted a narrative that resonates with my individual experiences, serving as a personal and often vulnerable account of my research journey. Rather than a written academic output explaining my experience, making a film is more closely aligned to my skills as a practice-based researcher. Film making has become a part of my reflexive and situated research approach, tied to my journaling practices. The process of making the story enabled me to think more deeply about the experience and engage in typically ‘designerly’ feedback loops of reflection, production, showcase, peer critique, reflection (with self-critique a constant element). These loops became part of my meaning-making process as I presented my experience through creative multimedia. As a practice-based research mode, postdigital storytelling enabled me to pick apart and understand my experience and, through the process, generate insights.

Figures 1–8: Screenshots from the Film: The Covid Diaries. The film and images are all created by the Author.

Figure 1. Opening scene visually introducing my Covid Diaries.

Figure 2. Image portraying how I felt as a mother and academic. I hold my child, and they sit under my desk as I work.

Figure 3. Journal entry drawing depicting the feeling of ideas, work, PhD and potential career slipping through fingers like dry sand.

Figure 5. Animated drawing depicting Covid rates rising, certainty falling.

Figure 6. Utilizing drawing and printing as a coping technique.

Figure 7. Visual metaphor of dodging falling rocks, symbolizing uncontrollable challenges.

Figure 8. Initial written reflections in the journal while making the film – about making the film – that appear in the film.

Figure 4. Digital drawing adapted from journal entry shown in figure 3.

Reflections on the film

Through ‘The Covid Diaries,’ I sought to document and disseminate my experiences during the pandemic and to distil the essence of these experiences into a concise and sharable narrative. The film begins by introducing me, a mother, lecturer, and PhD student. A personal narrative is characteristic of digital storytelling techniques. As the film progresses, I employ visual metaphors to convey the uncertainties and instabilities that marked my research journey. The challenges of balancing home schooling, academic responsibilities, and caregiving are described and interwoven with reflections on the gender imbalances and power dynamics within my partnership. The film highlights the importance of time, creative thinking, and coping mechanisms, stressing how creative practice (drawing, printmaking, and filmmaking, in this instance) worked to relieve anxiety. The film also reports that practice-based design research was, for me, unachievable when my brain and my hands did not have the time and space to think creatively, emphasizing the embodied nature of practice-based research. At one point in the diaries, I express, ‘What does my research subject even mean anymore? It means different things now,’ which highlights my thoughts on how my research subject had become increasingly uncertain. By openly sharing my use of anti-anxiety medication, I vulnerably share some of the hidden and secret struggles that many PhD mothers and primary caring parents might face.

Through making the film and thinking deeply about doctoral research through a pandemic as a mother has led to my decision to propagate caring research rather than article-producing research. I have been forced to slow down and consider the significance of my work, my career, and work in my future in a way that I wouldn’t have needed to if the pandemic had not happened. These shifts in thinking demonstrate how the pandemic has shaped me as a researcher.

Discussion

This report addresses three key concerns. Firstly, it foregrounds the value of critical journaling and postdigital storytelling as both a research tool and a therapeutic strategy within practice-based design research. While this work adopts a practice-based research approach, it complements other research on pandemic journaling (Wurtz, Willen, and Mason 2022) and maternal journaling (Godfrey-Isaacs 2021), adding that both critical journaling and postdigital storytelling could play a role in helping practice-based postgraduate researchers within or through future crises or pandemics.

‘The Covid Diaries’ serves as a conduit for a broader conversation about the experiences and treatment of mothers and primary caring parents within academia. The film conveys my concerns and dissatisfaction about the apparent lack of additional extensions or financial support offered to primary caring parents pursuing their PhDs in the UK during the pandemic. This dissatisfaction is not only mine; it resonates with countless others who struggled with similar challenges. The film reveals systemic issues embedded within academia, advocating for a more inclusive and understanding approach towards primary caring parent postgraduate researchers.

This research also connects with the growing disciplinary discussions about the importance of positionality, situated and contextually aware approaches in design research (Öz and Timur 2023). This report demonstrates that reflexively attending to positionality may be particularly relevant to design research relating to health equity. The creation of this film also prompted introspection on my identity and the voices that influence my self-expression. My internal conflicts in making this film, and writing this article encapsulates the broader themes of self-censorship, societal and academic expectations. This tension compelled me to reclaim my narrative, disrupting the ingrained patterns of silence and redefining my space as a mother designer researcher in academia.

‘The Covid Diaries’ film is available to view via this link: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EiUbjvxWQ5g.

Acknowledgements

This work would not be possible without AHRC Design Star DTP who fund my PhD research and my doctoral supervisors, Tom Ainsworth, Mathilda Tham, and Nigel Sherriff who have consistently provided unwavering kindness and support throughout my research journey. Thanks to my colleagues, Isobel Creed for introducing me to digital storytelling and Ben Sweeting for feedback and friendship. To all my mothering designing researching friends including Zoë Sadokierski and Chantal Spencer, and my sister Amy Hodson for offering feedback on the film. My husband and children for their love and encouragement as they have been instrumental in shaping both my experiences and the creation of ‘The Covid Diaries.’

Disclosure statement

No potential conflict of interest was reported by the author(s).

Additional information

Funding

This work was supported by the Arts and Humanities Research Council.

Notes on contributors

Sally Sutherland

Sally Sutherland is a Lecturer in Design, and AHRC Design Star Funded doctoral candidate at the University of Brighton. Her practice-based doctoral research uses design to observe, engage and intervene in contemporary UK public breastfeeding discourses.