Painful love: a Lacanian discourse analysis of women with experiences of intimate partner violence

Abstract

Intimate partner violence (IPV) is a public health issue throughout the world, and it can have many severe and lifelong sequelae for its victims. Women from ethnic minority groups experience and report more IPV than ethnic Danish women. In shelters, the former group have a higher occurrence of post-traumatic stress than Danish women. The study analyses the reasons women choose to stay or leave abusive relationships using Lacan’s discourse analysis using five Arab and three Danish women who tell and reflect upon their gender roles, their attitudes and beliefs, their concrete experiences, their backgrounds, their religion, the family relations, and social forces. A deeper understanding of what is at stake for these women will hopefully help professionals to listen to the women and to explore the many profound dilemmas that many of these minority women suffer.

Keywords:

• Intimate partner violence
• qualitative interview
• Lacan discourse analysis
• minority women
• role of religion
• gender roles

Reviewing Editor:

• Lincoln Geraghty, School of Media and Performing Arts, University of Portsmouth, Portsmouth, UK

Subjects:

• Anthropology - Soc Sci
• Gender Studies - Soc Sci
• Sociology & Social Policy

Introduction

Intimate partner violence (IPV) is a public health issue throughout the world, and it can have catastrophic and life-changing consequences for its victims (Clements et al., 2005; Karakurt & Silver, 2013; Rakovec-Felser, 2014; Shoqirat et al., 2019). IPV refers to any behaviour within an intimate relationship that causes harm to its victim, such as physical aggression, sexual coercion, psychological abuse and controlling behaviours. In this study, violence and abuse are used interchangeably to refer to physical aggression and sexual, financial, emotional, and psychological abuse arising from specific power structures (Barber, 2008; Karakurt & Silver, 2013). As these forms of violence are often committed against women, this paper focuses on abused women with Arabic and Islamic backgrounds, more specifically from the Moroccan and Syrian culture and having an Islamic background, as compared to ethnic Danish women. While this paper will refer to Arab societies and culture in general terms, it is important to acknowledge that there are cultural differences between the different Arabic countries, e.g. with regards to more concrete views on violence and gender. However, the Arab countries also share same historical and linguistic features which to some degree produce similar cultural and social features, the religion of Islam is also dominating in most of the Arabic countries, and it often this which is used to justify violence against women (Abadeer, 2015; Mojahed et al., 2020). Many women from ethnic minority groups experience violence in Denmark and a big group of these minority women are of Arabic and/or Islamic backgrounds, as people of Arab or Islamic origin make up a large part of the migrants in the country (Deen et al., 2018). Hence, it is important for professionals encountering these women to be well informed of the sociocultural factors which may influence and maintain the abusive situation for these women (Deen et al., 2018).

Violence towards ethnic minority women in Denmark

Surveys show that more women from ethnic minority groups than ethnic Danish women experience and have reported violence in Denmark (Deen et al., 2018; Ottosen & Østeergaard, 2018). Moreover, a recent Danish report showed that ethnic minority women in shelters have a higher occurrence of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) than ethnic Danish women (Dokkedahl et al., 2021b). The different factors which influence and maintain ethnic minority group women in abuse can be different than with ethnic Danish women (Danner, 2023). For example, different barriers may exist such as language, lacking knowledge about the system, cultural barriers to break the cycle of abuse, having lived in isolation and having been misinformed about rights and opportunities. While there is extensive international research indicating that cultural matters might influence women’s choices or options to break free from abuse, there is a scarcity of Danish research on this matter (Gharaibeh & Oweis, 2009; Leung, 2019). Thus, this paper will, with a focus on psychosocial and sociocultural issues, explore why Arab women in comparison to Danish women in Denmark choose to stay or leave an abusive partner.

Devastating effects of abuse

IPV may leave female victims with severe consequences and ultimately lead to femicide (Lutwak, 2018; Rakovec-Felser, 2014). Psychological and emotional domains are frequently reported as the most severely affected area despite it being invisible to the eye as compared to physical abuse’s more visible effects (Wittenberg et al., 2007). Women may experience lowered self-esteem, negative self-perception, and feelings of hopelessness (Dutton & Painter, 1993). These are factors that may ultimately sustain women in the abuse and make it difficult to break the cycle of abuse (Lutwak, 2018).

Other calamitous psychological problems after IPV which may be experienced are anxiety, depressive symptoms, PTSD, and Complex PTSD (C-PTSD) (Dokkedahl et al., 2021a; Griffing et al., 2002; Levendosky et al., 2012; Reed & Enright, 2006). Herman (1992), the first to conceptualise C-PTSD, contended that PTSD was insufficient in capturing the complexity of repeated trauma (Dokkedahl et al., 2021a). Herman argued that C-PTSD could happen from being in a state of captivity, referring to both the physical capture and psychological control the perpetrator holds over his victim (Dokkedahl et al., 2021a). For an abusive relationship to arise, there is a pre-establishment of control, a power imbalance where fear inducement in the victim is crucial for disempowerment (Herman, 1992). In the form of loving phases, intermittent rewards are also important for binding the victim to the perpetrator, forming a traumatic bond (Dutton & Painter, 1993). The victim ultimately reaches a state of loneliness, isolation, and demoralisation, losing its sense of autonomy (Herman, 1992).

Psychological conditions may also indirectly influence an individual’s medical health (Lutwak, 2018). For instance, PTSD and depression may be considered a complicating factor for heart disease, diabetes, stroke, osteoporosis, and cancer and victims may experience substance abuse, reproductive disorders, and chronic condition such as migraines (Lutwak, 2018; Rakovec-Felser, 2014). When IPV includes psychological abuse, consequences tend to involve more health problems than ‘merely’ experiencing physical and sexual violence (Al-Modallal, 2016). Ultimately IPV victims may require comprehensive care for recovery, including medical, psychiatric, and social help or, in worst cases, tragically die (Lutwak, 2018).

Reasons for why women stay in or leave abuse

Sociodemographic factors

The sociodemographic factors such as income, education, and employment, in the female victims’ lives and their concern for their children are well-documented factors, influencing their decision and ability to leave or stay in an abusive relationship (Bostock et al., 2009; Eckstein, 2011). IPV often involves economic abuse such as controlling the household’s economy or hindering independent economic stability, making women less likely to leave (Bostock et al., 2009; Sanders, 2015).

Research indicates that unemployed, illiterate women are more in danger of experiencing violence. Also, high education poses a higher risk for violence as the women reflect a threat to male authority (Ali & Naylor, 2013; Mojahed et al., 2020; Shoqirat et al., 2019). In an Arab context, it has specifically been argued that when a woman is young, has a lower education and is unemployed, she is at more risk of experiencing IPV as this may make her more likely to accept the violence and its persistence (Mojahed et al., 2020). While there is not necessarily consensus on the matter of education, sociodemographic factors are yet important to consider when analysing what may influence these women in their choice to stay or leave as this may for instance further complicate the process of leaving.

Emotional attachment

Langhinrichsen-Rohling (2005) suggested that women more often give love as a reason to stay even over the experience of fear. While fear may be a reason women stay in relations, as fear increase to reach the point of terror it may also be what could save a woman from violence as it may become a matter of life or death for women (Enander & Holmberg, 2008; Lindgren & Renck, 2008). Traumatic bonding, which arises from power imbalances, may further explain why women stay, and it refers to the entwined emotional ties of abuse, hence making the victim dependent on the violent partner (Dutton & Painter, 1993; Enander & Holmberg, 2008). Some of these ties are emotional such as love, fear, hate, compassion, shame, guilt, and hope, while others are more cognitive, such as the desire to understand, and internalisation of the partner’s worldview (Enander & Holmberg, 2008). The shame is a strong emotional factor that may refrain women from leaving, they may feel something is wrong early in the relation but be shameful of the violence and may even feel something is wrong with them (Lindgren & Renck, 2008). Guilt for the violence is again a strong factor keeping women in violence and may arise from the men’s blaming the women (Lindgren & Renck, 2008). The tie of internalisation is devastating as a victimised woman may come to believe she deserves the violence (Enander & Holmberg, 2008). When psychologically broken down, women may minimise or deny the severity of the violence or hope it will change and hence stay (Cavanagh, 1996; Rubertsson et al., 2010).

The dynamics at play and the role of childhood experiences

Intimate partner abuse may further be explained by the unconscious underlining psychological dynamics a couple creates together, rooted in their past, especially childhood, experiences (Dokkedahl & Elklit, 2018; Weitemeyer, 2016). There is different research linking early experiences of sexual abuse, violence, or high levels of conflict to the early mother-infant relation and the emotional environment and this to a greater likelihood of ending in IPV as an adult or unhealthy attachment patterns (Dokkedahl & Elklit, 2018). Weitemeyer (2016) further argues that insecurities related to past emotional neglect from childhood or early in life may lead to difficulties with rejection or lead the woman to fight for the relationship desperately, thus placing her at more risk of tolerating abuse. Hence, the unhealthy dynamics formed in some abusive relationships may sometimes reflect an interaction of two people’s early attachment and conflict experiences, especially from childhood.

Internal(ised) matters: different societal discourses of love and violence

There are specific discourses about love which dominate on a societal level, primarily if they represent psychological master discourses regarding intimate relationships (Jackson, 2001). Such discourses are used by women consciously and unconsciously to make sense of their experiences. There are discourses which unite or associate violence and love which further may influence women to stay in the abuse for example in the hope that they may be able to change their partners with enough love (for more on this topic consult following; Cavanagh, 1996; Fraser, 2003; Jackson, 2001; Weitemeyer, 2016). Yet, there are some feminist discourses which resist the traditional view of justification of abuse against women who deviate from their ‘natural position’ and instead places focus back on the perpetrator where the violence is thought to be preceded by a breakdown in the perpetrator′s sense of control (see more in; Monckton Smith, 2020).

Patriarchal perspectives

The persistent justification of abuse yet observed in many countries worldwide is often linked to most societies’ history of patriarchy (Bennet, 2006; Lawson, 2012; Lerner, 1986). Patriarchy may also have contributed to the formation of specific discourses of love and violence (Bennet, 2006). As discussed above, these discourses also emphasise gender roles in line with patriarchy. Patriarchy is in this context understood as a system in which women are subsumed or subordinated to men (Bennet, 2006). Therefore, the feministic perspective on IPV asserts that beneath IPV there is fundamentally a gender issue linked to the history of patriarchy (Lawson, 2012). In this line of thought, wife abuse becomes an expression of male domination and gender roles place men as dominant, unemotional, tough and women are the nurturant, patient, intimate and the emotional part (Estrellado & Loh, 2014; Gharaibeh & Oweis, 2009; Shen, 2011). While patriarchy may yet be a dominant feature of most societies, it varies in degree and strength across communities (Mogford & Lyons, 2014). This difference in the degree of patriarchy practised is mirrored in research. For instance, Griffith et al. (2006) demonstrated that US citizens are less tolerant in attitudes towards domestic violence (DV) than Trinidadians. Nayak et al. (2003) also report differences in university student’s attitudes towards domestic violence across four countries. Findings demonstrated students in Kuwait have most tolerance of domestic violence and students in the US have the least (Nayak et al., 2003). The more people believe in patriarchal ideology, the more they tend to approve of violence against women (Ali & Naylor, 2013). Hence the different attitudes towards domestic abuse could mirror the strength of patriarchy’s dominance in other societies.

Resources to break free

While an emotional attachment may influence women to stay or return to their partners, Patzel (2001) describe how women may simultaneously manifest with resistance and ultimately break the emotional tie (Enander & Holmberg, 2008). A final turning point occurs after several turning points, where the relationship may be viewed differently due to an escalation in violence or an increase in fear (Enander & Holmberg, 2008; Patzel, 2001). A female victim may reach a conclusion such as: I do not understand him, and I am not going to fix him, and that is okay, by eliminating the desire to understand the emotional tie could weaken (Patzel, 2001).

Arab and Islamic societies

Justification of abuse by religion

Specific views regarding violence exist in many Arab cultures such as for example Jordanian or Egyptian culture, and this contributes to maintaining women in abuse (Ammar, 2000; Gharaibeh & Oweis, 2009; Shen, 2011). Sociocultural rules which show understanding for violence may push women to normalise, justify, and tolerate violence despite their agony (Gharaibeh & Oweis, 2009). These sociocultural rules may be rooted in the belief that the Quran and Islam justify abuse and spousal violence (Gharaibeh & Oweis, 2009; Tariq & Ismail, 2013). However, by decontextualising and interpreting a verse in a specific patriarchal manner, one may argue that this belief reflects a misconception of the Quran (Ammar, 2000; Douki et al., 2003; 4:34 in the Quran). Due to the idea that the religion supports the abuse, some women in such cultures may believe that men have Islamic rights to hurt them if they are rebellious, which put them at risk of taking responsibility and blame of abuse (Gharaibeh & Oweis, 2009; Tariq & Ismail, 2013). The Arab violent husbands claim the right to discipline wives, and this claim is supported by the religious and legal ‘laws’ used to reinforce the beliefs that women must obey their husbands (Douki et al., 2003).

While patriarchy cannot be traced back to a specific point in history, it has been argued that patriarchy ‘always’ existed as an artefact of civilisation (Bennet, 2006; Lerner, 1986). Lerner analyses patriarchal practices in ancient Mesopotamia and, for example, illustrates the development of female slavery and prostitution in old Babylonia. Hence, patriarchal perspectives on women existed before establishing of any religion and subordinating abusive acts towards women took place in the pre-Arab – Islamic world (Lerner, 1986).

Societal norms and justification of abuse

In most Arab societies, marriage is seen as a ‘deal’ where there is a deep-rooted belief of: ‘your family is the one who buys you, not the one that sells you’ (Gharaibeh & Oweis, 2009). Hence, marriage becomes something emphasised and crucial, and a woman might fear losing her ‘family’ by leaving an abusive partner (Gharaibeh & Oweis, 2009). Moreover, research indicates that many men and women place sole responsibility on the wife for the violence exercised against her (Douki et al., 2003; Haj-Yahia, 1998a, 1998b). For instance, most women in rural Egypt said that beatings were common and often justified, particularly if women withhold sex from their partners (El-Zanaty et al., 1996). In countries like Iraq, Egypt, and Palestinian Territories, laws exist based on social norms. These laws ‘allow’ a man to commit an assault against his wife, sister, or daughter if she has violated his honour by committing behaviours which contradicts dominant moral norms such as fidelity and virginity (Abu Odeh, 2010; Mojahed et al., 2020). A woman may feel deserving of the violence if she interferes with her husband’s social life, nags or complains, talks non-sense, irritates, or insult him (Haj-Yahia, 1998a; 1998b). In line with this, both Palestinian men and woman are prone to justify the abuse if the wife does not obey her husband, undermines his authority, and fail to live up to his expectations of a good wife (Haj-Yahia, 1998a, 1998b). Nonetheless, law enforcement routinely dismisses domestic violence as a private matter, and health professionals fail to identify these problems. Society may furthermore view female victims as masochistic and self-defeating. Hence, abuse against women is commonly justified by society, including by the women themselves (Douki et al., 2003).

Sacrifice

In Islamic and some Arab societies such as Palestine or Jordan, the family tends to be praised, and its prestige is important, sometimes more than the woman’s future (Douki et al., 2003; Gharaibeh & Oweis, 2009; Tariq & Ismail, 2013). There tend to be a general emphasis on mutual support, the sacrifice of their own needs, wellbeing, and welfare for the benefit of the family as a unit (Douki et al., 2003). Hence, women are especially encouraged to forgive their husbands for protecting their home and children, that is to sacrifice their wellbeing and needs for the family (Douki et al., 2003). Women have often internalised societal perspectives of how a righteous or a ‘good Arab woman’ should behave, and thus, they tend to be self-sacrificing, and they believe that they live for their children (Gharaibeh & Oweis, 2009). Ultimately women with a self-sacrificing mentality may choose to stay in the belief that they are protecting their children from harm (Gharaibeh & Oweis, 2009; Sichimba et al., 2020).

Family reputation overall

Due to the emphasis on the family, women are usually not the great decision-makers (Gharaibeh & Oweis, 2009). Divorce is a great matter which must be discussed within the family and commonly with males only (Gharaibeh & Oweis, 2009; Tariq & Ismail, 2013). Haj-Yahia (1998b) considered various issues related to domestic violence and found that eighty per cent of the men and women believed that wife abuse would not justify reporting the husband to legal authorities. This fear of reporting the husband to authorities is often related to a fear of ruining the family reputation and solidarity (Douki et al., 2003). Women may be hesitant to report their abusive husbands due to the fear of severe and possible consequences of engaging in disloyalty towards their families and husbands (Mojahed et al., 2020). Also, there might be a fear that acknowledging wife abuse would justify legal services to intervene, which could break family bonds and damage reputation (Douki et al., 2003).

The taboo of divorce

As mentioned, there is a social taboo around divorce and this may be grounded in religious matters or misconceptions of the Quran (Gharaibeh & Oweis, 2009; Tariq & Ismail, 2013). The prophet’s saying: ‘Allah did not make anything that is lawful more abominable to him than divorce’ may illustrate one way the social taboo around divorce has been formed (Gharaibeh & Oweis, 2009; Tariq & Ismail, 2013). Islam does not make divorce illegal, yet some Muslim women may feel like this due to sociocultural rules (Tariq & Ismail, 2013). For example, in Egypt, some women end up committing murder or suicide due to being pressured enough psychologically in a context of abuse (Ammar, 2000). Furthermore, as stated earlier, women are likely to be blamed in such societies and men are believed to have good intentions, which are ultimately views that maintain abuse (Ammar, 2000). Together this suggests that women may fear the social stigma and family rejection related to divorce, and thus stay in the abuse despite their sufferings (Gharaibeh & Oweis, 2009; Tariq & Ismail, 2013).

Different societal norms in Arabic and Islamic societies, which are patriarchal, render abuse justifiable in many cases. Due to structural inequalities, women may experience resistance in the system and the community if they seek to get divorced. However, it is rare for women to break up with the violence due to their internalisation of many social norms around gender roles and marriage.

The aim of this study was therefore to explore how both women with Arab (and Islamic background) and ethnically Danish women describe the process by which they decide to stay or leave an abusive partner. This exploration includes the role of sociocultural structures.

Lacanian theory and LDA

Lacanian discourse analysis (LDA) was considered appropriate for this study as it allows a thorough exploration of the women’s narrative around abuse in a non-conventional manner (Neill, 2013; Parker, 2010). LDA is founded in and emerges from Lacanian theory thus this paper also draws on Lacanian theory (Neill, 2013). However due to limitations of the scope of this paper it is not possible to cover Lacanian theory in detail here. Hence for detailed discussions of the supporting theory, it may be found helpful and appropriate to consult Pavón-Cuéllar’s ‘From the Conscious Interior to an Exterior Unconscious’, or ‘Lacanian Ethics and the Assumption of subjectivity’ (Neill, 2014; Pavón-Cuéllar et al., 2010). This study is inspired by Calum Neill and Ian Parker’s work regarding especially LDA, as literature is also scarce on the matter. Lacan was not a discourse analyst, and LDA was developed by his aftercomers (Neill, 2013; Parker, 2005, 2010). These authors further manage to present Lacanian theory in a comprehensible manner. Lacan depicted human reality through the Borromean knot, a figure consisting of three linked rings representing the Symbolic, the Imaginary and the Real (Neill, 2013). As the assumption is that the intertwining of the realms drives all discourse, this depiction becomes relevant for the LDA of the transcriptions (for more consult; Neill, 2013).

Lacanian lack and desire of the other

In Lacanian terms, all subjects are in lack in a two-fold manner (Ruti, 2007). Primarily lack refers to the loss of a sense of wholeness, which is connected to prebirth, a sense of immortality and being asexual (Bell, 2014; Ruti, 2007; Verhaeghe, 1998). To deal with this fundamental lack, a second lack is carved during the encounter with the Other, the Symbolic (Verhaeghe, 1998). To read more about Lack, more specifically the clarifying concepts of alienation and separation, consult following Laurent (1995), Parker (2011), and Verhaeghe (1998).

When speaking of the Other, it is important to differentiate between the small other and big Other. The small refers to the other person, as we imagine people to be. The big Other refers to people’s symbolic existence, their rules and laws or the assumed virtues, morals, ideals, and language (Lacan et al., 1979; Pavón-Cuéllar et al., 2010; Sheikh, 2017).

Considering desire, it is, as lack, also understood twofold, primarily as a desire for recognition of this other and for that thing (Lacan et al., 1979; Neill, 2014). In Lacanian terms desire is extimate, so intimate for the subject yet necessarily external connected to the Other (Hook, 2013; Pavón-Cuéllar et al., 2010). Lacan termed that Thing, objet petit a, that imaginary cause of desire assumed to compensate for lack (Homer, 2005; Neill, 2014). This object cannot be nailed down as a visible and obtainable object (Johnston, 2013; Kirshner, 2005).

Methods

Methodological approach

A qualitative research design using interviews seemed most suitable as this project explores how women speak of their experiences (Forchammer, 2001). Being contradictory and using ambiguous statements are a natural part of being human. From a psychoanalytic perspective, the subject is due to defence mechanisms unable to know certain aspects of itself (Brinkmann, 2014). In line with Lacanian Discourse Analysis (LDA), dialogue therefore becomes a powerful tool and allows a space to explore the unconscious (Brinkmann, 2014; Neill, 2013).

Semi-structured interviews were used to allow adequate guidance to ensure that interviewees remain within the topic and yet enable participants to include topics they find relevant while interviewer can follow up on seemingly important points (Brinkmann, 2014). In conjunction with LDA, this basic qualitative research design allows thorough exploration of language.

Participants

This study included two groups to enable a comparison (Flick, 2017). The main group, consisted of five women with Arab origins and the second group included three Danish women (with pseudonyms Olivia, Sandra, and Ida). The participants taking part in this study were in the age range of 21- 54. Two Arab women were of Syrian origin (Rabia and Anisah), and the other three women were of Moroccan origin (with pseudonyms Basimah, Amal and Tahira). At the interview, Amal, Tahira and Basimah had recently gotten divorced while Rabia and Anisah described yet divorcing their violent husbands. All three Danish women had been out of an abusive relationship for a couple of years. The main criteria were that women had been in or were yet in an emotional abusive relationship. The Arab women had not been through large psychological development or processes as compared to the Danish women. While all Arab women were receiving psychological attention, they were still in initial stages with regards to development and awareness. On the other hand, the Danish women could all speak of having regained their sense of self-worth and seemed to be at a more settled place psychologically, being able to reflect on the abuse in myriad ways.

Recruitment

The researcher recruited the Arab women by contacting myriad shelters for women in crisis, violence and abusive relationships. Two of the Danish women (Sandra and Ida) were recruited through a Danish non-profit organisation working with victims of psychological abuse and social control. The third Danish woman (Olivia) was recruited through the researcher’s social network and interviewed earlier during an exam paper, functioning as a pilot study for this project. Olivia was a psychology student. As there were challenges with recruiting the third woman from the non-profit organisation, Olivia was an appropriate alternative solution to utilise. Yet it should be noted that as Olivia is a psychology student and would assumably know more about the concept of the unconscious, there are limitations to the comparison of her to the others. The author aimed to not recruit too many participants as it would not be possible to cover all findings in this paper using Lacanian discourse analysis. Moreover, the recruitment process was not so simple. For example, not many shelters in Denmark allow direct contact to the women as these individuals are in a vulnerable state.

Type of abuse

The women experienced different types of abuse and violence such as physical, sexual, economic, psychological aggression and controlling behaviour. While all the Arab women experienced physical violence, none of the ethnic Danish women experienced this as they mainly described psychological and sexual abuse. Some of the physical violence depicted were strangling, pushing, punching and cigarette burns. For instance, Tahira once ended up in an emergency room after having her ex-husband crushing a glass cup in her hand.

Sociodemographic characteristics

The Moroccan women had moved to Denmark because of their husbands, hence they came to Denmark by family reunification (Amal, Basimah & Tahira). They were therefore very dependent on their husbands regarding economy and knowledge of the system in Denmark. Rabia and Anisah came to Denmark as political refugees but were also dependent on their husbands because the husbands tended to control the women and thus hinder their development and integration in the country. None of the women described having a solid social network in Denmark. Thus, the women were in a somewhat fragile position, all having felt divorce is not a good idea, fearing their own status and ‘survival’ in the country. The ethnic Danish women appeared to have been economically independent of their ex-partners and with a stronger and more supportive social network at the time of the abuse. Sandra did, however, describe her relations and her social life as dissolving during her marriage with her ex-husband.

Data collection

Interview guide

The interview guide included questions that enquired explanations and descriptions to explore how the women spoke and it was designed and conducted by the author (Brinkmann, 2014). Following the constructionist perspective and discourse analysis, functioning as this study’s underpinning ground, what arises are explanations and contextual constructions of meaning instead of fixed distinct realities (Forchammer, 2001). The interview guide was used to overview the topics covered, containing suggestions for questions and during the interview efforts were made at keeping questions short, simple and open to receive absolute answers (Kvale & Brinkmann, 2009).

The first part of the interview involved demographic questions clarifying age, occupation, and social context. This was followed by questions enquiring fundamental information, such as ‘when and how they met their ex-partners’. After this, the ‘main questions’ were asked where the women got to describe their relationships, their problems (here they also got a chance to describe type of violence experienced), whether they demonstrated resistance and the process of breaking up or divorce. The women were asked how different aspects played a role in their decision and ability to break free such as social network, society, family, children, and cultural backgrounds. The last part of the interview concerned the concept of love.

Procedure of data collection

The semi-structured interviews were completed in different locations. To ensure privacy, quiet and safety, the researcher chose interview spots which were both: 1. private and hence approvable for interviewing about confidential topics such as abuse is but also 2. convenient and comfortable for the interviewees. Hence the interviews took place in different places such as in safe rooms in the shelters, a room in the nonprofit organisation, a local café and a safe work office. The interview was recorded using a hand-held recording device and transcribed with a transcribing program and took use of the software Microsoft word. Despite the researchers own ethnic background being Arabic and hence fluency in the Arabic language, an interpreter joined the interviews to assist in the process of interviewing and to minimise any potential misunderstandings. With regards to the recordings and transcriptions, the researcher was the only person who had access to the data as they were saved on a private password-protected computer. It was furthermore ensured that data was anonymised so that no confidential information from the transcript could be traced back to the interviewees and participants could not be identified.

Data analysis

Considering Lacanian theory, the women’s reports about abuse are founded in the unconscious and cannot in a Lacanian manner be separated from sociocultural matters (Parker, 2011). This study accepted the premise of LDA, that the unconscious is structured like a language (Hook, 2013). Thus, there was a conation to open for meaning by focusing on form instead of content (Hook, 2013; Parker, 2010). Formal structures were decomposed by treating language as a system of differences and refraining from assuming a relation between words (Parker, 2005). As the first step, the researcher engaged in free associations to explore different non-sensical parts of the text. As one reading of a text inevitably involves identifying with certain aspects of it, it is crucial to identify several times with a text to minimise the likelihood of engaging in a purely imaginary reading (Parker, 2005). Next, master signifiers (S₁) were identified, referring to the sense-giving signifier of a discourse which allows meaning to arise (Parker, 2010; Pavón Cuéllar et al., 2010). To detect patterns of speech, the chain of signifiers was identified (S₂) (Neill, 2013). Then Lacan’s concept of objet petit a was considered, which refers to a void inside us, to that thing which the subject supposes can complete him, was considered (Neill, 2013). Objet petit a cannot be grasped in language, but it represents a fantasy of that Thing, that unfathomable entity, assumed to complete the subject (Neill, 2013). Due do objet petit a’s abysmal characteristics and as it cannot be identified as an object, this analysis explored what other the discourse speaks of. The object was utilised to trace a pattern rather than to specify something outside of the discourse (Parker, 2005). Finally, the role of knowledge was explored by using Lacan’s four discourses, which are elaborated on in the analysis (Neill, 2013; Parker, 2005).

Analysis

Main themes and contradictions –master signifiers

A crucial part of LDA, is identifying master signifiers (S₁) which determines the meaning of other signifiers in a cultural system (Neill, 2013; Sheikh, 2017). This process involves acknowledging that there are always different ways to ‘read’ the discourse (Parker, 2005).

Thus, non-sensical signifiers and contradictions were identified, to open the texts, as LDA does not strive to ‘make sense’ in a reductionist manner drawing on the interviewees’ biographies (Parker, 2005). The final master signifiers and contradictions identified are presented in the following:

Violence as unacceptable

‘Violence as unacceptable’ (S₁) surfaced in Rabia, Amal and Anisah’s interviews. The women argued that abuse is unjustified considering religion and culture. At times this was presented in a contradictory manner. Anisah and Amal’s interviews are considered by first demonstrating this ‘conflict’ in Anisah’s interview:

” (…) first and foremost, Islam does not allow this type of injustice towards women (…) the traditions also do not allow this (…)”.” Yes. We say, you know, it is not in our nature to leave someone to oneself…

The signifier ‘injustice’ (S₂), first suggests that Anisah considers her ex-husband’s behaviour as unfair, drawing on support from Islam and her culture. Yet, it is not in our nature (S₂) indicates a fusion of herself and presumably her culture/religion. Hence there is a break in the representation of abuse as something unacceptable. She further expressed that it is not the same in Denmark where women have their rights(S₂). This ultimately suggests that women do not always get their rights in their home society.

A somewhat conflictual presentation further arises in Amal’s interview when considering culture:

”No no (…) so but I come from the capital city, (…) most people, the women they have an education. (…) so divorce is very normal”. “(…) If he needs help, I should help him (…) Like I should do things for my children (…) So that is a bit like (…) our religion and our traditions (…) Yes with patience, with support (…)”.

While points in discourse may give rise to meaning, these moments are not fixed and always escaping (Neill, 2013; Pavón-Cuéllar, 2017). Amal’s statements demonstrate how meaning is ever fleeting. The signifier No(S₂) could suggest a moment of denial of the idea that culture/religion affected Amal’s choice of staying and tolerating the abuse. However, as the discourse unfolded, more insisted on being understood, and another points de capiton, emerged, the moment which secures a new meaning (Neill, 2013; Parker, 2005). It emerged that culture/religion did in fact, influence Amal. For example, she later expresses that religion tells her that if her husband or children needs her, she should help. In other words, she must sacrifice. Nevertheless, there is strong resistance to falling prey to the idea that the women’s religion and culture might ‘tolerate’ abuse.

Abuse must be tolerated

Abuse must be tolerated (S₁) emerged in Tahira’s and Basimah’s interviews. Both women spoke of abuse as something to be tolerant towards. Yet, these representations somewhat break moving towards intolerance of the abuse. This break is more substantial for Tahira, yet her interview is used to demonstrate:

You know the talk of Arabs (…). My brother said we cannot hear the talk of people, go back to your husband

My religion and the traditions and the norm and the upbringing (…) it controlled and pressed me to be patient with him (…).

Signifiers you know the talk of Arabs (S₂) reflects a sense of neutrality, an incidence of imaginary identification, where Tahira imagines that the interviewer knows how Arabs have a specific view (Neill, 2013). It becomes clear that she is conveying that a woman cannot get divorced: (…) in Morocco one view her as not a good woman, she could not be patient (S₂). The use of pronouns such as you or her (S₂) could at first suggest the implicit rules of her culture are ‘speaking’. The pronoun us (S₂) indicates a moment of fusion between her and her culture. In line with this, family pressure is mentioned in we cannot hear people talking (S₂), reflecting her brother’s voice. However, this presentation breaks as she presents that even her brother’s view changes. Her brother suggests that women should be released from these fetters (S₂) and Tahira realises that she should not remain patient as she can ultimately become handicapped or be killed with her child.

Basimah similarly speaks of how divorce is culturally taboo, and ultimately, abuse becomes something that should be tolerated by women:

“And. in our society when a girl becomes over 20 years old she must get married. I was over 30. So I must marry”. “Mmh. what scared me was that I had to go back to Morocco because if I came back as divorced to Morroco it is very difficult”

Basimah like Tahira, identifies with her society when she utters our society (S₂). The signifiers (S₂) generally used suggest that the reality which this society(S₂) sets out for women is negative. For instance, this is reflected here: I must marry, feared, threatened, very difficult, scared me (S₂). Must indicates a necessity for Basimah to get married after she turned 30, in turn suggesting there is no other choice. Basimah’s identification with her religion is also reflected in the following: (…) and I told him, it is okay. He lived as an orphan and told me of his problems (…) and I was considerate (…) God is with everyone. This demonstrates how Basimah’s religion or ‘God’ plays a role in her tolerance of the abuse by identifying her ex-abuser as a victim and the idea that ‘God’ is merciful to everyone. The previously discussed also reflects a cultural way of evaluating the psychological mechanisms behind the abuse, which is a fusion of psychology and religion. This matter will, however, not be elaborated on here.

Yet, Basimah has small ‘realisations’, that she has been limited with her husband and her family in Morocco. This may be observed in the following: (…) when I came to the women’s shelter and got to know people, I said to myself, what? Had I been buried here or what happened to me. Everything became odd to me. The signifier buried could suggest a symbolic meaning of death, indicating that she was not truly living life when she was with her husband, or it could indicate that she has been hidden from real life in Denmark.

Emotional abuse can be explained.

Finally, the master signifier (S₁) emotional abuse can be explained emerged during the analysis of Olivia, Sandra, and Ida’s interviews. The women attempted to make sense of the abuse in each of their own ways by using and drawing on psychological knowledge and explanations of the mechanisms behind the abuse etc. Sandra and Olivia’s interviews will be considered.

To make sense of her own experiences, Sandra uses psychological knowledge and her experiences from her work with emotional abuse. She identified that a childhood with a psychologically violent mother influenced why she ended up in abuse. This presentation and emphasis on how childhood experiences influence later partner choice breaks down when she speaks of experiences of how people from seemingly ‘healthy childhoods’ also can end in abuse. Additionally, she also distances herself from this view when speaking of her daughter, conveying that she will not repeat the cycle of abuse, indicating a moment of denial:

So of course, the past can… I am sure that my daughter will not because she has experienced it, she has a dad who is like this, she knows.

This could also reflect the lack in the Other, which is addressed later, that Psychology simply cannot explain everything and that meaning is ever fleeting (Homer, 2005; Neill, 2013). Sandra on the one hand expresses ‘certainty’ about the fact that her daughter will not end in abuse. Still, on the other hand, she can rarely say a person will not end in such a situation, an abusive situation. However, another way ‘emotional abuse can be explained’ (S₁) manifested was in Sandra’s acknowledgement of how it broke her down, eventually leading to her believing she could not function or handle anything herself:

“And your strength to stand up for yourself, you also lose more and more”. “Yes yes ehm so so in the end you start also to believe in it (…). “I was gone, completely”

Finally, Olivia also used the discourse of psychology to explain the abuse and understand her chaotic feelings. Olivia spoke of her ex-partner as a deviating personality. She spoke of him as someone ‘incapable of taking blame’. For example:

(…) narcissistic and very selfish and (…) boundary-seeking (…) and manipulating (…) and then I would say that he is not very clever or like somewhat middle or yes, a bit over average intelligent but…

Signifiers such as narcissistic and manipulating (S₂) all demonstrate Olivia’s attempts at making sense of something, ultimately non-sensical, producing ambivalence for Olivia. Again, the above statement shows how ‘psychology’ becomes inadequate when speaking of his intelligence. On the one hand, he is not very clever (S₂), but he is probably above average intelligent, ultimately suggesting he is in fact, clever. Hence, there is something about Olivia’s ex which she fails to grasp, her representation of him crumbles. The knowledge of psychology also failed Olivia when she was trying to make sense of herself. Her representation as rational and strong, breaks down as she describes acting irrationally and feeling ambivalent.

Lack

This Lacanian concept of lack helps understand the expressed desires of the women in this study, the desire for justice, patience and understanding of abuse. During identification, a secondary lack occurs in suppression in the chain of signifiers (Verhaeghe, 1998). For instance, Tahira identifies with abuse must be tolerated, yet she has a moment of ambivalence where she claims that women should be free from the fences, which gives rise to another signifier, abuse must not be tolerated, which is the repressed one. However, this conflict keeps her split between the two, as they necessarily fail to capture her (Verhaege, 1998).

The women’s desire of the other

The Other in the interviews with the Arab women was identified as ‘Culture’. For Rabia, Amal and Anisah it was women’s rights in Islam and Arab culture, and for Basimah and Tahira it was the patriarchal view on women. The Other in the interviews with Ida, Sandra, and Olivia was ‘Psychology’. By analysing Anisah’s interview, ‘their Other’ may become clearer.

Women’s rights in Arab culture (Rabia, Amal and Anisah)

When Anisah states that Islam and her traditions do not tolerate abuse, this reflects her internalised virtues and laws hence the Other as Culture speaking for women’s rights (Neill, 2014). Therefore, that Thing that is desired by the Other is assumed to be women who seek justice. As desire is also a desire to be recognised, Anisah may also seek recognition by this Other (Lacan et al., 1979; Neill, 2014). Hence by ‘asking’ her ex-husband or the ‘other’ to see her worth as a ‘human being’, asking for justice, love and recognition by this Other desiring justice for women.

Objet petit a was identified as justice, as that thing which allowed Anisah a sense of wholeness thus, it can be understood as the visible placeholder of the impossible to grasp desire of the Other (Johnston, 2013). Fantasy is allowed as Anisah imagines that she can finally feel at peace if she can merely break free from the abuse. However, as objet petit a, does not have a value but draws value from its maintenance of desire by allowing an imaginary link with one’s lost sense of unity, desire is never-ending (Johnston, 2013; Pavón Cuéllar et al., 2010). Thus, even though Anisah could ask for justice in Denmark, she presents with an ongoing pain expressing how her head and body has stopped functioning, indicating suffering beyond being ‘set free’.

Patriachal view of women

The Other in Tahira and Basimah’s interviews were the patriarchal view, promoting the idea that women should be patient and tolerate the abuse. Basimah appears more endorsing of this perspective than Tahira. The Other as the patriarchal perspective of women, speaks through Basimah by emphasising marriage and rendering divorce unacceptable. Basimah expresses ‘she simply had to get married’ due to ageing, hence considering it necessary. The role of religion further becomes clear as she explains why she felt compassion for her ex-husband, who had a tough childhood as an orphan and why she kept forgiving him: It is okay, I said, God is with everyone.

A similar Other was identified in Tahira’s interview yet with a stronger realisation that a patriarchal perspective is faulty, demonstrating the inadequacy of objet petit a, and exposes the lack in the Other (Homer, 2005).

Objet petit a was patience for Basimah and Tahira. The assumption here is that the women need patience to be loved and recognised by the other (Neill, 2014). For instance, Tahira expresses how she was patient with her ex-husband, hoping they could still be together and have a normal life if he got treatment. Objet petit a, as patience gave her, a sense of wholeness, by allowing a fantasy of achievement of normal life (Neill, 2013; Omrod, 2014). However, as established, objet petit a is merely the imaginary cause of desire, as desire can never be fulfilled (Sheikh, 2017). While Tahira (and Basimah) thought patience was the answer to their desire, they realise that it is not the endpoint. Tahira realised how she would hurt herself and her daughter by staying patient.

Psychology as other

In Olivia, Ida, and Sandra’s interviews, the Other was identified as ‘the psychological knowledge of abuse’. The ‘body of knowledge’ was presented slightly different in each interview, but ‘psychology’ infiltrated each discourse. Olivia’s interview will be utilised to illustrate the place of the Other and the following desire to be able to understand abuse.

The Other, as the internalised ‘laws’ of ‘the psychology of abuse’, infiltrated Olivia’s discourse (Evans, 2006; Sheikh, 2017). She spoke of her ex-partner as a ‘narcissistic person’ and someone incapable of feeling guilt. Objet petit a was here identified as understanding (abuse). However, Olivia also confronts the lack in the Other when she fails to fully capture and understand her ex-partner with the knowledge of psychology (Homer, 2005). As mentioned, Olivia conceived her ex-partner as someone who is on one hand, not very clever and on the other hand, as someone who is above average intelligent, hence contradicting herself. Thus, something is difficult to capture even with psychological knowledge. Hence the desire of the Other is impossible to grasp and understanding abuse as objet petit a, again, appear as a fundamentally ephemeral, un-localisable (non)-entity (Johnston, 2013; Kirshner, 2005).

Role of knowledge

The interviews were deconstructed and examined in many ways. However, this section will not present all the ways possible. Moreover, this paper desists using words such as findings to avoid suggesting something specific to be found (Neill, 2013). Instead, numerable truths are to be disentangled (Neill, 2013). By exploring the role of knowledge through Lacan’s four discourses, this section will engage in this endeavour.

Lacan’s four discourses

Another part of the theory used in the analysis is Lacan’s four discourses (Neill, 2013; Parker, 2005). When we speak, we are speaking to a particular (small) other through the imaginary (e.g. the one sitting in front of us) (Parker, 2005). Yet the system of Language (Symbolic) operates beyond us as here we speak to the big Other, which is not an entity but rather the function of validating the subject’s position (Parker, 2005). In a sense, we get ‘lost’ in our speech as this act has consequences for what knowledge we can accredit to ourselves when speaking. Thus, the subject’s relation to discourse is a relation to knowledge. The four discourses outline different relationships between the speaker as an ‘agent’ and the ‘other’ addressed. The following depiction describes the general structure of discoursing with its four positions (Neill, 2013): $$\mathrm{\text{agent}}\to \mathrm{\text{other}}$$ $$\mathrm{\text{truth}}//\mathrm{\text{product}}$$

The upper left position is the author or the ideology, tradition, or convention that orders (Neill, 2013). Thus, the person is not always the prime mover of their discourse. The other is that someone or something which the discourse is directed towards (Neill, 2013). Any speech is always underpinned by a certain truth in the lower left. In the lower right, we have the product of the discourse, the excess which escapes or is produced, yet which never amounts to the truth (Neill, 2013). This excess is produced due to imaginary identification, when we meet a discourse, we inevitably distort it. The discourses are that of the hysteric, the university, the analyst, and the master. Each discourse describes a certain social bond. I will not unfold each of the discourses here, but the discourse of the hysteric, university and master will be elaborated on slightly in the analysis (Neill, 2013; Parker, 2005).

Discourse of the master

Lacan’s discourse of the Master was used to make sense of Basimah’s interview. The formula for the Discourse of the Master is presented below: $${\mathbf{S}}_{\mathbf{1}}\to {\mathbf{S}}_{\mathbf{2}}$$ $$\$//\mathbf{a}$$

In the agent’s place, the master signifier (S₁) takes the spot, abuse must be tolerated. This ‘cultural’ perspective, way of viewing women, addresses its other, the women who live in abuse, the women who ‘have to’ get married and remain patient (S₂) (Neill, 2013). The only way the assumption of abuse must be tolerated is held in place is by the (unconscious) support of the subject, in the spot of truth (Neill, 2013). As mentioned earlier, the subject here is established as divided $ by the very symbolic construct it supports (Parker, 2010; Pavón Cuéllar et al., 2010). Put differently, the agent is the master but is in truth a barred subject that does not fully grasp what he pretends to understand (Parker, 2010). By this support, the master can stay in place to author laws, construct ideology and present a worldview, knowledge is put to work in the space of the other (Neill, 2013; Parker, 2010). Hence, Basimah believes in the necessity of marriage and the inconceivability of divorce. However, there appears to be something that escapes, the product of the discourse is objet petit a, a desire to ultimately be loved by the Other, hence fundamentally a desire to be able to be patient as this is the only way to be recognised by the other.

The discourse of the hysteric

To make sense of Tahira’s and Anisah’s interviews, the discourse of the hysteric was utilised with the following formula: $$\mathbf{\$}\to \mathbf{S}1$$ $$\mathbf{a}//\mathbf{S}2$$

Tahira’s interview will be considered. In the Discourse of the Hysteric, the truth of the situation is rendered unstable, it is an uncertainty which dominates, it is the discourse of revolution, new possibilities, and knowledge (Neill, 2013). The subject addresses the master of the discourse as he is not accepting things as they are. This resistance is reflected in Tahira’s frustrated voice and in her addressing the master signifier S₁ abuse must be tolerated. The split subject which takes the stage is observed as in a constant conflict and questioning of the situation. For instance, on one hand, he is presented as a loving man and on the other hand, not so much. A sense of resistance appears and as Tahira questions the idea that abuse must be tolerated and the bad view on divorced women, she produces some new knowledge. The product of the discourse is the realisation that her marriage was not founded on healthy love and the necessity for women to be ‘freed’ and she gets new support from her family who are also presented as changing perspectives on the matter.

Discourse of the University

By mapping Rabia’s and Amal’ s discourse onto the Discourse of the University, it becomes clear how the women spoke of themselves as strong women who did not accept abuse. The following formula was utilised: $$\mathbf{S}2\to \mathbf{a}$$ $$\mathbf{S}1//\mathbf{\$}$$

Amal’s interview will be considered. In the agent’s place, the chain of signifiers (S₂) takes the space, that is the knowledge of how culture and religion do not allow abuse. Amal spoke with a sense of neutrality when stating that divorce in Morocco is normal and promoting the perspective that her culture does not tolerate abuse, neither her family (S₂) (Neill, 2013). With the master signifier violence as unacceptable in the place of truth, this perspective of intolerance towards abuse and the idea that culture opposes abuse is held in place, appearing as simple knowledge (Neill, 2013). This perspective of the world addresses its other as objet petit a, as justice, a desire to be loved and treated justly. The product of the discourse is a vulnerable woman presenting herself as strong, covering up a sense of sadness with an occasional smile, a woman who is still so scared yet hopeful.

Olivia, Ida, and Sandra

The discourse of the University was also utilised to make sense of Olivia, Ida, and Sandra’s discourses, however, to demonstrate, Sandra’s interview will be considered.

The agent of the discourse is the knowledge of emotional abuse (S₂). The motivation behind the discourse is the belief that there are specific psychological mechanisms behind the abuse, forming a sense of certainty around Sandra’s speech (Neill, 2013). This makes it possible for Sandra to draw on her own work experiences with emotional abuse to make sense of her situation. However, as mentioned earlier, the knowledge of Psychology, the Other, lacks, fails to provide a sufficient explanation of abuse as Sandra realises that while upbringing influence whether one will end in abuse it is not a sufficient explanation. Sandra realises how people who had a normal childhood and who were brought up in healthy households can also get caught in abuse. Hence, the other is addressed, objet petit a, the desire to understand so that she can ultimately be acknowledged of her pain (Neill, 2013). Yet, something always escapes; the product is a woman still struggling with remaining insecurities, still trying to understand that which is impossible to understand. Furthermore, Sandra struggles to figure out what she feels towards her ex-husband. On the one hand, he was the ‘love of her life’, and on the other, she is still looking for the ‘love of her life’. Hence the subject in lack is the ultimate product of this discourse.

Discussion

About the theoretical perspective

With a specific focus on the role of socio-cultural matters, this study aimed to explore how women with Arab (and Islamic) backgrounds as compared to ethnically Danish women, describe the process in which they decide to stay or break free from IPV. Utilising LDA and Lacanian theory, it was demonstrated, that women’s desires and unconscious were fundamentally related to the Other, the Symbolic as Culture and Language and how powerful sociocultural structures affected the women’s identities (Feldstein et al., 1995; Frosh et al., 2003; Parker, 2010).

It emerged that the Arab and Islamic views dominated the women’s consciousness and hence their actions in getting out of the abuse (Frosh et al., 2003). All the women’s desires were related to their Other, Culture, either in the sense of a patriarchal view on women or the perspective which upholds and fights for women’s rights in Arab context or finally as psychological knowledge of abuse. The desires were a desire to be patient or a desire for justice, and for the Danish women, a desire to understand abuse, presumably to be acknowledged by their Other (Neill, 2014).

The influence of Arab and Islamic societies

Justification of abuse – blaming women

It is often Islam and the Quran which are (mis)used for the justification of abuse which tends to take place in Arab and Islamic societies (Douki et al., 2003; Tariq & Ismail, 2013). As a part of the women’s religious teachings, they may be trained to believe that if they disobey their husbands, they are also disobeying God, giving rise to feelings of guilt, as reflected in this study (Tariq & Ismail, 2013). Especially Basimah and Tahira reproduced this perspective in their speeches, despite Tahira’s simultaneous resistance. Research echoes this justification of abuse considering Arab men and women (Haj-Yahia, 1998a, 1998b, 2000). Haj-Yahia (1998a) reports that Palestinian men blame the women for their abusive acts as they believe women cross boundaries. While women think husbands should be held responsible, they think that they are also responsible if they break up with their normative roles (Haj-Yahia, 1998b, 2000). This justification of abuse may be related to the idea that Islam encourages women to be obedient. While a righteous woman is supposedly obedient, this is however related to the fact that the husband in Islam is a protector, which ultimately is to uphold the woman’s Islamic rights, and it does thus not mean obedience in abuse. Nonetheless, Hassouneh-Phillips (2001) suggests that contributing to the issue of abuse is the idea and belief that everything is God’s will.

Opposing the idea of Islamic justification of abuse

Women may not be given their God-given rights, but not due to the Quran, instead due to patriarchal ideologies yet dominating in many Arab societies (Douki et al., 2003). Even the Islamic texts, which may suggest that violence is permissible, do not encourage or indicate that it is desirable (Badawi, 1971). Justifying abuse in the name of Islam may occur when certain verses are interpreted in a patriarchal manner and decontextualised from other parts of the Quran, more frequently mentioned and emphasised, such as mutual respect, kindness, and good treatment (Tariq & Ismail, 2013). One may always justify one’s beliefs with verses in the Quran, like other holy texts (Douki et al., 2003). The distancing from the idea of Islam (and some of the Arab societies) being supportive of abuse was also reflected during the interviews, most explicitly with Rabia, Amal and Anisah’s interviews in their identification with the view encouraging women’s rights. As described, a general turning point commonly occur, the feeling that it is a life-or-death moment, understood in a multilateral manner as physically, emotionally, and spiritually and here women may break free from ideas as everything is ‘God’s will’ (Enander & Holmberg, 2008; Hassouneh-Phillips, 2001). Tahira reaches a point where she realises that she and her daughter may die if they stay. Similarly, Anisah reaches a point experiencing that her body and her head stopped working, pushing her to leave.

Patriarchal societies justify abuse

Justification of abuse is not merely something concrete to Arab and Islamic societies but related to a worldwide history of patriarchy (Lawson, 2012). Through different revolutions, women have broken up with the patriarchal structures in many cultures around the world especially in the Western world with feminist movements (Mogford & Lyons, 2014). Yet, it still dominates to a greater or lesser extent in many societies worldwide. For example, Leung (2019) argues that the way Chinese people speak contributes to the maintenance of violence against women where it is commonly said that the woman triggers the man or that she is not ‘good’ (Leung, 2019).

Social norms and divorce as taboo

While Islam does not render divorce illegal, social pressure and social norms maintain it as taboo (Tariq & Ismail, 2013). Women often fear the stigma of being a ‘divorced woman’ and being treated as an anomaly, called immoral and be abandoned (Douki et al., 2003; Gharaibeh & Oweis, 2009; Hassouneh-Phillips, 2001; Tariq & Ismail, 2013). This designation of women as deviant if they step out of the constructs set out for them was also a reality in older patriarchal western society (Lerner, 1986). This fear of social stigma resonated in Tahira’s speech as she repeats the pressure from her brother to return to her ex-husband as her family could not tolerate to hear people talking. Tahira used religion to understand her choice to stay patient as divorce was out of the question. Yet, as women break up with violence, they may simultaneously start to distance the abuse from the religion by realising God put the women in the situation hence they are not anomalies (Hassouneh-Phillips, 2001). In this study, Anisah clearly states that Islam would not allow this injustice towards women and that her husband did not know of the religion. Yet Anisah also identified with her Culture in stating that it is not in their nature to leave someone. Thus, regardless of whether one separates the taboo of divorce from religion, social ideas surrounding divorce may still dominate.

Family reputation and social stigma

In line with the fear of social stigma, research shows how family prestige is emphasised in many Arab and Islamic societies, to an extent where the women may give less concern to their futures and themselves (Tariq & Ismail, 2013). Arab women fear being blamed for undermining family stability and unity if deviating from normative roles (Elbedour et al., 2006; Haj-Yahia, 2000; Tariq & Ismail, 2013).

Arab women may be put at a higher risk of further victimisation by ‘family honour’ practices as they may fear being blamed and bringing dishonour to the family’s name (Elbedour et al., 2006). Therefore, there is a shame connected to violence as women are often perceived as deserving it (McCleary-Sills et al., 2016). This shame may result in these women repressing their loss and concealing the crime of their ex-husband’s (Elbedour et al., 2006). This idea of repressing the matter was especially reflected in Basimah’s discourse as she had a strong fear of returning to her family divorced and in fact, she did not tell her family of the divosrcement. By using the belief that ‘God is with the tolerant’ women are further encouraged to go back to their abusive husbands (Gharaibeh & Oweis, 2009). Baisimah, Tahira and Anisah expressed how their families encouraged them to return to their husbands which may originate from a fear of bad reputation rather than considering the daughter’s best interest.

Sacrifice

Another strong theme which infiltrated the women’s discourses in this study was sacrifice. Women are conditioned to believe that the needs of their extended family take precedence over their well-being and safety (Gharaibeh & Oweis, 2009). This was reflected in Amal’s interview when she expressed the importance of sacrificing when her husband or her children needed her. In such cases, she had to be patient and supportive. Nonetheless, children are a topic that may often lead women to tolerate abuse as children are often seen as the husband’s property in Arab culture, thus women may fear losing them or not being able to protect them if they leave (Hassouneh-Phillips, 2001).

Lack of support

Justification of abuse in Arab and Islamic societies is often a systematic resistance meaning the women would not be able to go to court in the case of abuse (Ammar, 2000). National laws in many Arab states are known to be norm-based laws, unique to the Arab context (Mojahed et al., 2020). For example, in their review, Mojahed et al. (2020) describe the maintenance in return for obedience law, which reflects the husband’s demand for complete obedience from his wife in return for the woman’s claim for financial support (Mojahed et al., 2020). Unfortunately, such laws may allow manipulation, control, and discrimination to be exercised against women and due to social norms around genders, legal loopholes have been formed allowing perpetrators to escape criminal consequences (Mojahed et al., 2020).

Women often do not seek professional help because of a lack of social service resources (Elbedour et al., 2006). Hence the Arab women from this study may be accustomed to this from their home countries and may not be aware of their rights and opportunities in the present context. This systematic resistance was reflected in Anisah’s speech who realised that she could get her rights in Denmark unlike the reality for women in Syria.

Health professionals may also lack information and may either deny, minimise or interpret women as delusional, and authorities in Arab societies may specifically dismiss domestic violence as private disputes, reflecting deeply rooted patriarchal norms (Douki et al., 2003; Mogford & Lyons, 2014; Mojahed et al., 2020). Considering psychological abuse, Sandra also describes meeting a lack of support in the Danish system due to a lack of knowledge and awareness, especially years back when she was in the relation which in turn kept her stuck. Hence, women who come from cultures with systematic resistance may themselves have internalised this and hence expect to encounter resistance and with regards to psychological abuse there might still be a lack of knowledge and awareness in Denmark.

The other explanations for why women may stay or leave

The Danish women and psychological knowledge

For the ethnically Danish women, it was clear that they made sense of the abuse and their choice to tolerate the mistreatment by drawing on psychological knowledge. Ida believed that experiences and insecurities from childhood and upbringing made her more suspectable to enter and stay in the cycle of abuse during adolescent years, which is in line with some of the research (Fagan, 2020). Sandra emphasised the role of her childhood experiences of emotional abuse which is in line with research emphasising the correlation between early emotional maltreatment and later victimisation or perpetration (Richards et al., 2017). By drawing on knowledge about emotional abuse from her work experiences, Sandra recognises how psychological abuse broke her down systematically affecting her self-esteem and how this played a role in her tolerance, a matter also resonated in research (Clements et al., 2005; Orava et al., 1996). Olivia used her psychological knowledge and research to primarily explain the abuse by her ex-partner being a result of his anti-social personality characteristics (Kelley & Braitman, 2016).

Sociodemographic factors

The experiences and descriptions by the women in this study mirrored the research regarding how sociodemographic backgrounds, and concern of children, are well-documented factors influencing a woman’s decision and ability to leave or stay in an abusive relationship (Eckstein, 2011). This will merely be addressed briefly. The Arab women all described that being economically dependent on their husbands made up initial obstacles to leaving, as is reflected in research and financial issues may lead to more abuse (Sanders, 2015). The women’s limited Danish linguistic skills and lack of education further cause challenges and concern for the women. In contrast, all the Danish women did not describe themselves as economically dependent on their husbands except for Sandra who felt her ex-husband took control of economic matters. Research from rural areas in India indicate that in places with low tolerance of abuse, the constellation of women’s groups, protect women from IPV, whereas in high tolerance areas, the groups increase the risk of abuse (Mogford & Lyons, 2014). Hence, it is crucial with a social network in a country like Denmark, which can be claimed to disapprove of abuse and support women in getting out of abusive contexts (Mogford & Lyons, 2014). Unfortunately, not all women in this study indicated having a supportive social network in Denmark. Research suggests that women would rather seek help from informal services than formal services which further highlights the importance of a social context supporting women in abuse (Shoqirat et al., 2019).

Internalised discourses of love – an alternative reading

Another way to understand the women’s views and tolerance of the abuse other than the patriarchal view on women (picked up from Arab society), is the internalisation of specific societal discourses regarding love (Jackson, 2001). During the analysis of desire in Tahira’s interview, it became clear that the desire to be patient and obedient allowed Tahira a sense of wholeness. Objet petit a as patience allowed Tahira to engage in what Lacan calls a fantasy of a normal life with her ex-husband (Neill, 2014). If she could merely be patient with her husband and if he agreed to treatment, they could have stayed together. Popular love related discourses may encourage women to stay in abuse with the belief that they can change their partners if they merely love them enough (Fraser, 2003; Jackson, 2001). There is also an emphasis on social success, in a capitalistic sense, such as getting married, raising children, and staying together (Fraser, 2003). Romantic discourses may also place abuse as an expression of excess love on the one hand and on the other hand they may put women as the victims causing the abuse (Fraser, 2003; Jackson, 2001). These discourses may also have been influenced by the history of patriarchy, due to the emphasis on gender roles, however this will not be addressed further here. Hence such worldwide love discourses may increase the pressure on the Arab women from this study and contribute to the opinion that yet circulates around societies: that violence is a private matter and sometimes justifiable (Leung, 2019).

Resistance

Resistance towards the patriarchal view of women and viewing women as victims which was observed in all women in this study may also be understood as a deviation from the traditional psychological discourses about love and abuse, reflecting a feministic perspective (Fraser, 2003; Jackson, 2001). This will merely be discussed briefly, drawing on the Danish women’s discourses with the desire to understand the abuse, themselves, and their partners. Olivia resisted viewing herself as a victim by also representing herself as strong and rational and highlighting how this helped her get out of the violence. All three women presented their ex-partners as victims in some sense, with some ‘problem’ or a deviation. Sandra related the abusive acts to a loss of control, mirroring what Monckton Smith (2020) calls the coercive control discourse where femicide is believed to be preceded by and motivated by a breakdown in the perpetrators sense of control. Ida and Sandra also explained how ‘baggage’ from their past influenced them to stay. By defying the idea of a pure ‘beast’ or abuser and a ‘victim’, distance is created to the illusion of transforming their partners with enough love (Jackson, 2001).

The dynamics at play

Explaining IPV as an interplay of both partner’s background and ‘baggage’ may give an alternative valuable explanation of IPV as it may point at psychological mechanisms at play, maintaining women in the abuse (Dokkedahl & Elklit, 2018). Childhood sexual abuse is a strong risk factor for later IPV and women with such past may have lower self-esteem and sexist attitudes potentially increasing the risk of becoming victimised again. A childhood with a dysfunctional family, physical and psychological abuse, or inadequate conflict management and low self-worth could influence tolerance of frustrations and conflicts in adulthood (Dokkedahl & Elklit, 2018). Weitemeyer (2016) argues that an early experience of emotional neglect, could be reactivated in later romantic relationships and that this may lead to feelings of shame and rather extreme reactions in women, who may attempt to sustain the highly abusive relationship. At least three of the women in this study indicated to have experienced some emotional neglect in childhood, giving rise to the assumption that the women’s (and their partners’) past experiences have ‘contributed’ to creating and maintaining a specific abusive dynamic.

The desire to understand the abuser

The desire to understand the abuse observed in the Danish women could also be extended to the Arab women as all struggled to grasp the violence. However, this need for understanding came across differently due to, amongst other things, culture, and religion. One of the significant factors contributing to women’s return to an abusive partner is the desire to understand the abuser and his actions which appear baffling, and it may be discerned as an attempt to create meaning and control in a traumatic situation, and thus it has a binding effect as women may even return after years of separation (Enander & Holmberg, 2008; Herman, 1992). The desire to understand was, for example, reflected in Basimah’s interview when she excuses her ex-partner by placing him as a victim, yet her religion is also used to make sense of why she stayed patient (Richards et al., 2017). Hence here, Basimah may be drawing on both the psychological discourses and religion.

A true understanding and acknowledgement of the relational dynamics as in fact being abusive may often first occur after leaving (Enander & Holmberg, 2008). In this study, the Arab women were ‘entering’ this ‘exit process’ and the ethnic Danish women had been through this process, as they had been out of the relation for years. The process of understanding is suggested to be important for breaking essential parts of the traumatic bond as when a woman acknowledges herself as having been abused, the feeling of guilt may be dissipated (Enander & Holmberg, 2008; Herman, 1992). Reaching a full understanding is especially important in the context of Arab women in women’s shelters, who due to socio-cultural reasons, may lack fundamental knowledge about abusive dynamics and may be predisposed to experience more intense feelings of guilt.

Implications

Professionals encountering abused Arab or other ethnic minority women in Denmark should consider their unique socio-cultural context. Abuse is especially problematic in Arab and Islamic socio-cultural contexts where patriarchal views yet dominate and abuse may be justified, and women may be blamed. As demonstrated in this study, women may have internalised socio-cultural perspectives, ultimately influencing their tolerance towards abuse. Thus, offering psychoeducation regarding this cultural influence and the cycle of abuse may be relevant. Arab women may believe that they must stay tolerant and patient towards their abusive partners as a part of their religious teachings, while as argued Islam does not at its core justify abuse.

As family honour is practiced in most Arab families, it is crucial to acknowledge that women may have a fear of going back to and face family after a divorce (Hassouneh-Phillips, 2001). It becomes relevant to strengthen women’s sense of self-efficacy as they experience ‘pressure’ from their families to go back to their abusive partners.

The Arab society may also foster an idea of women as sacrificing beings. This knowledge is crucial in the process of helping women to think more of themselves, to make these women recognise and acknowledge that they are not inferior and to help them separate their religion from socio-cultural perspectives (Haj-Yahia, 2000). A lot of the women are faithful and are at more risk of experiencing negative feelings such as guilt and shame if they feel they were not living up to their role as a good Muslim wife. It may be important to work with women’s self-image by striving to relieve the women from the burden of responsibility of the abuse. As Arab women have often taken a submissive role, it is important to allow them to feel and express any anger they may have suppressed and support them in recognising their opposing feelings, love, and anger, which often coexist. There might be a need to cope with the loss and mourn, hence the women should feel all these feelings without being judged for being unstable or the like (Herman, 1992). Arab women in Denmark may be unaware of the system in Denmark, thus education on this matter is useful. Safety is another topic to stay sensitive to. Women should not only restore their own sense of worth but also prepare to sustain it in the face of the critical judgements of others (Herman, 1992). Hence, comprehensive support from the Danish system is needed.

Limitations and future research

As this study was of a qualitative nature, hence idiographic rather than nomothetic, there is the inevitable limitation of an inability to generalise to greater population groups (Howitt, 2010). Moreover, the two groups used in this study are not homogenous in terms of number of participants and the Arab participants are from two independent countries hence different realities. By using discourse analysis, the lived experience of the women was not studied, which a phenomenological approach could have allowed, with a focus on what they experienced inside and not how they spoke (Brinkmann, 2014). Nonetheless, there were also some lingual limitations as the interviews were completed with insufficient quality of interpretation. As the researcher speaks and understands Arabic this problem was addressed during the transcription. Yet, some of the interviews were translated in two rounds, first into Danish and then into English. Thus, it is important to acknowledge that something is always lost in translation. This is especially ‘problematic’ with a method like LDA, which places emphasis on language and how people express themselves rather than on what they say. Nevertheless, the sample size was not very large and therefore not sufficiently representative of Arab women in Denmark. The Arab women were from different countries. Thus, some country-specific factors were perhaps not captured.

Another limitation occurred during the recruitment process, which involved contacting women’s shelters by phone or email and women were recruited through staff from these shelters, and the researcher had no control over this process. The consequences of this manifested especially during one interview where I encountered a young Syrian woman who had experienced violence from a father and not a romantic partner. Fortunately, this young woman’s mother agreed to take part in the study instead of her daughter. Some of the women were still in crisis, leaving the abuse, which limited how they answered the questions. Moreover, this study focuses on women who left (or are leaving) abuse and does therefore not give insight into what considerations a woman during the abuse makes with regards to whether to stay or leave.

Future research could focus more on how abused Arab women, who specifically were married, by traditions of arranged marriage, may be influenced by a potential emotional attachment to their abusive partners. A follow-up study could explore whether the women manage to break free and how life is after being in women’s shelters. It would here be interesting to explore the question of love and what the women’s potential emotional attachments were based on and to explore the concept of love in-depth over time to see whether their conceptualisation and understanding alters. It would be relevant to take a Lacanian approach again and focus specifically on what Other, societal structures may influence women’s awareness and actions in the future and whether this changes for the Arab women who further integrate into the West. Lacan’s concept of fantasy could be used more than it was in this study, to explore how women sustain themselves in their ‘illusions’. Another perspective relevant to study is Arab men’s perspective on relational dynamics. Research could also explore how women who are still in the abuse describe their experiences and choice to stay in an abusive relationship.

Conclusion

Ethnic minority women of non-western backgrounds are increasingly taking up many spaces in Danish women’s shelters, they are more at risk of experiencing violence and higher rates of PTSD are reported for this target group as compared to Danish ethnic women (Dokkedahl et al., 2021b; Ottosen & Østeergaard, 2018). By using LDA, this study illuminated how Arab women in Denmark have internalised socio-cultural norms and rules regarding marriage, violence, and gender roles. This manifested in the analysis as either a reproduction of the dominant structures or as a resistance towards some of the sociocultural structures that render abuse acceptable. The matters which were specifically emphasised with regards to specifically Arab and Islamic societies were the following: the patriarchal misuse of the religion and the Quran to justify violence against women, societal norms which emphasise sacrifice, family honour and the taboo of divorce. Nonetheless, the great tendency towards a lack of support in Arab societies is systematic and encountered, for instance, in the health and juridical system. Moreover, the lack of support that Arab women face may also be more local in the sense of an unsupportive family and social network. This study’s (main) emphasis on the cultural perspective may complement the existing knowledge base regarding the matters which may influence women to stay in abusive conditions.

The general factors that were further emphasised as important to consider when exploring why women stay in abuse were as follows. First, sociodemographic factors and secondly the emotional attachment, where for example the desire to understand the abuser was emphasised for both the Danish and the Arab women, but they explained the abuse and their partners in different manners by drawing either on psychological knowledge or religion and culture, respectively. Thirdly, early experiences of neglect were emphasised to make women behave in ways sustaining violence. Fourthly, the interaction between the woman’s and her partner’s early life experiences are important to consider. The internalisation of societal discourses regarding love, romance, violence and gender roles may further put women at risk of tolerating violence.

A foundational argument was made in this study, that the problem of and (in some cases justification) of abuse and violence against women, which is observed in many societies worldwide, may be related to the history of patriarchy in most societies. The traces of patriarchy linger in most communities, though its severity varies.

Health professionals who encounter abused Arab women should as discussed consider the complexity of these women’s challenges when exiting an abusive relationship. After experiencing an assumably painful type of ‘love’ from the abusive relationships these abused women escaped, they may be yearning for real love. Thus, professionals should encounter these women with the utmost compassion and empathy.

Ethical approval

Institutional Review Board (# 122118).

Disclosure statement

No potential conflict of interest was reported by the author(s).

Data availability statement

The interview data are not available due to protection of the women.

Additional information

Notes on contributors

Senia Almayah

Senia Almayah, MSc. Psych. from University of Southern Denmark graduated 2021. Psychologist with a large interest in the trauma field. She now works as a psychologist in a psychiatric department in Denmark with traumatised victims. Trauma victims are of for instance war victims as well as victims of other types of traumatic experiences such as sexual assaults, accidents, illness etc. Work with a wide range of individuals with different diagnoses and psychological issues, for instance PTSD as well as other diagnoses such as depression, anxiety, personality problems etc.

Ask Elklit

Ask Elklit, M. Psych. from University of Copenhagen (1972), is a professor of clinical psychology at the Institute of Psychology at the University of Southern Denmark and director of the Danish Centre for Psychotraumatology. He is a licensed psychologist and psychotherapist. Professor Elklit was the co-founder of the first Danish center for rape victims and has conducted research on many trauma types and populations (maltreated children, victims of violence, disasters, workplace violence, serious illnesses, and war) -see www.psykotraume.dk. He also studied trauma rehabilitation and trauma in various cultures.