The juxtaposition of invalidation and “inviting in”: a qualitative study of bisexual identity in South Africa

Abstract

Understanding one’s sexual orientation plays a significant role in contributing to one’s sexual identity and developing a coherent sense of self. Misconceptions and prevailing prejudices make it difficult for bisexual individuals to navigate their sexual identities in many societies. Disclosure of one’s identity is accompanied by certain risks depending on how the information is received. However, disclosing one’s identity can also be positive, especially as it assists in fostering relationships. This article derives from a descriptive study involving 14 semi-structured interviews with young adults aged 18–24 who identified as bisexual. Data were subjected to a reflexive thematic analysis. Themes of invalidation, belongingness and reclaiming through ‘inviting in’ were identified. By processing the feelings of invalidation regarding their bisexual identities which were placed upon them by their respective cultural groups, and society in general, participants were able to develop a sense of agency and reclaim their power. Findings highlight the need for further research on bisexuality, particularly in South Africa, and the need to understand how bisexual identity development occurs in interaction with other sexual and gender identities.

Keywords:

• Bisexuality
• LGBTQ+
• disclosure
• sexual identity
• young adults

Introduction

Understanding one’s sexual orientation has an important role to play in developing a sense of sexual identity, and this may influence the development of identity as a whole (Morgan 2012). Sexual identity is the understanding an individual has of their sexual orientation, which is inclusive of desires, values and relationships (Nadal 2017). Developing a sexual identity as one approaches adulthood, involves a complex process of recognising sexual attraction, accepting it, and then being able to understand it (Taylor and Neppl 2021).

Remarkable progress has been made in the acceptance of non-heterosexual identities, particularly regarding homosexuality in the South African context (Khuzwayo 2021). This, however, has inadvertently reinforced a binary understanding of normative identities (i.e. homosexuality and heterosexuality) wherein non-monosexual identities, such as bisexuality, are often excluded from acceptance (Khuzwayo 2021). In most societies, the binary categories of homosexuality and heterosexuality constitute the dominant understandings of sexuality (Garelick et al. 2017). Since societally perceived sexual identities operate in a binary way, other sexual identities along the LGBTQ+ spectrum are often marginalised (Zulu 2022).

Bisexuality poses challenges to this binary, as it falls between the two relatively sexualities and refers to a sexual attraction to more than one gender (Angelides 2001; Callis 2014). Bisexuality is a sexual orientation whose definition may vary across disciplines, but it can broadly be understood as embracing sexual attraction, sexual behaviour, and self-identification (Ross et al. 2018). In this study, bisexuality is understood as encompassing emotional, romantic, and physical attraction to more than one gender (Feinstein and Dyar 2017).

As a result of bisexuality’s difference from both homosexuality and heterosexuality, bisexual individuals face prejudice and discrimination from both sides of this binary (Callis 2014). A false dichotomy between heterosexuality and homosexuality renders bisexuality largely invisible and erased from mainstream discourse (Flanders and Hatfield 2014). There exists literature showing how a binary understanding of sexuality results in the delegitimisation and erasure of bisexuality in industrialised societies The same is to a degree true in the African context (Khuzwayo 2021) where likewise there exists pressure from both heterosexual individuals and the LGBTQ+ community to identify as either homosexual or heterosexual (Barker et al. 2012; De Bruin and Arndt 2010; Flanders et al. 2019; Khuzwayo and Morison 2017).

Disclosure of one’s bisexuality can be a difficult process to manage (Feinstein and Dyar 2017). The process of disclosure or ‘coming out’ is an identity developmental milestone for many bisexual individuals (Calzo et al. 2011). Gonzalez, Ramirez and Galupo (2017) confirms this, explaining how disclosure can aid in a sense of identity development for bisexual individuals. The process of disclosure, however, is informed by experiences of bisexual erasure, the misconceptions of others, the pressure to conform to the binary, and beliefs about how bisexual people will be perceived by those they disclose to (Barker et al. 2012; Feinstein and Dyar 2017; Flanders et al. 2016).

There is evidence in the North American literature that individuals who identify as bisexual are less likely to disclose their sexual identity to their family and friends (Dodge et al. 2016). Khuzwayo and Morison (2017) postulate that individuals who identify as bisexual do not disclose their sexuality because of the fear that it will be perceived as illegitimate. This is particularly relevant within the South African context. Despite South Africa having legislation to protect all sexual orientations, the efficacy of this legal provision is questionable given the stigma and the discrimination people with non-heterosexual and cisgender identities continue to face (Mayeza 2021; Msibi 2019). Due to the threat and danger of discrimination and possible violence to be found in South Africa, disclosing one’s sexual identity to others remains problematic for many LGBTQ+ individuals (Mayeza 2021).

Disclosure of one’s identity carries certain risks depending on how the information is received. Flanders et al. (2019) have noted that these reactions are usually negative in nature owing to religious views or confusion regarding bisexuality in general. The exposure to these negative reactions and possible resultant discrimination has a significant impact on individuals’ mental health and self-perceptions (Calzo et al. 2011). It is difficult to disclose a widely criticised identity, and the expected biphobia may increase the hesitancy of coming out (Flanders et al. 2016). This study therefore aimed to shed light on the process of ‘inviting in’ of people who identify as bisexual.

Methods

Procedure

This article derives from a descriptive study that aimed to explore the experiences and understanding of young adults who identify as bisexual. The research took place within a social constructivist paradigm that viewed knowledge and understandings as subjective and socially constructed. This design was beneficial for this study whose purpose was to provide rich descriptions of participants’ experiences and perceptions (Colorafi and Evans 2016; Sandelowski 2000; 2010; Turale 2020).

The study took place at a historically disadvantaged university in the Western Cape, South Africa. The university where the data was collected prides itself in fighting oppression and discrimination on a variety of fronts. Similar to other historically disadvantaged universities, the university has a Gender Equity Unit as well as a Women’s and Gender Studies Department, with programmes specifically focused on inclusivity and raising awareness about LGBTQ+ matters.

Data were collected whilst COVID-19 restrictions were in effect in the country. As a result the interviews were conducted online using Google Meet. Semi-structured interviews were used to elicit data pertinent to the inquiry whilst providing an opportunity for participants to describe their experiences in an open and reflexive manner (Doyle et al. 2020). Questions explored participants’ understanding of bisexuality, their identity(ies), and their experiences with people of different sexualities and identities, in order to gauge how these impacted their understanding and experience of their own sexual identity. Questions asked included: ‘How do you feel about your bisexuality; Can you describe this experience a little more’; Have you always understood bisexuality as this, or when did this change for you?

An advertisement for the study was distributed through the university’s campus-wide email to recruit participants. Contact was made via email after potential participants expressed an interest. Subsequently, participants were provided with information sheets and consent forms prior to complete.

Sampling and participants

The study used purposive sampling as it was hoped to obtain broad insights and rich information related to the study topic (Turale 2020). Snowball sampling was also utilised to enhance the sample size and to ensure data saturation (Doyle et al. 2020), which was reached after 14 interviews. Participants were selected for inclusion if they were between the ages of 18–25 (the majority of participants were 18–19 years old). Individuals with a range of gender identities were included in the study including cisgender man, cisgender woman, transgender man, and one nonbinary individual. Moreover, because the advertisement required the participants to identify as bisexual, all participants disclosed their bisexuality.

Data analysis

The study used reflexive thematic analysis to analyse the data, following the steps outlined by Braun and colleagues (Braun et al. 2023; Braun and Clarke 2019). Thematic analysis can be used to answer a range of research questions and is a flexible method for accessing and documenting experiences and understandings (Vaismoradi, Turunen, and Bondas 2013).

Reflexivity statement

In descriptive qualitative research, analysis benefits from the interpretations offered by researchers (Sandelowski 2010). Because of this, potential biases and personal assumptions that may influence the research process must be taken into account (Babbie 2013). As a bisexual-identifying individual, the lived experiences of the first author may have assisted in data collection in a way that could be perceived as affirming and understanding by the participants. Reflexivity was enhanced by keeping a reflective journal throughout the entire research process to ensuring that the researcher was cognisant of any of her own biases that might have affected the study. The two other co-authors (MA & KJ) were involved as supervisors for the project, oversaw data collection and analysis, and assisted in editing and revising the manuscript.

Ethics considerations

As mentioned earlier, ethics approval for the study research was received from the university’s Humanities and Social Sciences Research Ethics Committee before data collection commenced (Reference: HS21/7/34). They were informed that the first author would assist in referrals to mental health services should the interview questions cause discomfort for any participant However, none of the participants indicated that they needed a referral to be made.

Findings

Fourteen participants were interviewed. Table 1 summarises their principal demographic characteristics.

Table 1. Summary of participants’ demographics.

Participant	Age	Gender	Preferred pronouns	Study programme
Participant A	18	Female	She/her	BA
Participant B	20	Female	She/her	Medical bioscience
Participant C	20	Nonbinary transgender	They/them and he/him	Social Work
Participant D	18	Male	He/him	Dentistry
Participant E	18	Female	She/her	LLB
Participant F	20	Male	He/him	Biotechnology
Participant G	18	Female	She/her	Education
Participant H	22	Male	He/him	Physical Sciences
Participant I	20	Prefer not to say	He/him	Psychology
Participant J	19	Female	She/her	BCom General
Participant K	23	Female	She/her	MA Psychology
Participant L	19	Female	She/her	BCom Accounting
Participant M	23	Female	She/her	LLB
Participant N	25	Male	He/him	LLB

Two primary themes were identified in the data: invalidation and belongingness, and reclaiming validation through ‘inviting in’. The themes together describe the process of dealing with feelings of belongingness and developing a sense of agency in relation to one’s own identity. They are further detailed below.

Invalidation and belongingness

The first sub-theme describes how a sense of invalidation from both others and from themselves, impacted study participants. The second sub-theme describes how working through invalidation and developing a sense of belongingness was achieved as participants developed a sense of their bisexuality.

The impact of invalidation

Participants noted that common misconceptions and stereotypes of bisexuality influenced their own perceptions of sexuality. Bisexuality is often invalidated by others, whether this be through people deeming it either a phase to be passed through, or a quality of someone who is afraid to identify as homosexual. This resulted in participants having trouble with their identification.

Participant N: There’s a lot of stereotypes about bisexual people [and] you even get to the point where you question your own sexuality because of these stereotypes and these restricting notions of what sexuality should look like.

The same participant explained how he had gone through stages in working through these stereotypes and finally reaching the point of being able to accept his own sexuality. The idea of preferences and specific forms of attraction contributed to participants’ feelings of invalidation. In addition, some participants experienced greater attraction to a specific gender than others, which made them question their bisexuality.

Participant I: ‘I experience different attractions to different genders. Because of that it was a bit weird to manoeuvre… think that made me question what my identity was or how that fit in necessarily. It’s been quite difficult, and I’ve invalidated myself a lot in it.’

In the above quotation, the participant’s different attractions caused him to ‘invalidate’ himself and question his sexual identity. This added to the impact of the invalidation he had received from other people including some other bisexual individuals themselves.

Freedom and belongingness

This sub-theme described how participants transitioned from being riddled with confusion about their sexuality, to acceptance and developing a firmer sense of self. Participant L explained how identifying as bisexual had helped her understand herself better: ‘Honestly, it’s great. I can now understand why I am like this; I can no longer feel confused… was even able to talk to my family and tell them that I was bisexual’. Participants also noted that with identification came a sense of liberation knowing that that they are no longer confined to either pole of the binary but had finally found a label or a group that captured their experience. Participant A stated, ‘It felt good to belong to something. It made me feel like I belong, that I’m not an outcast. That I’m normal. I’m not the only person going through this’.

Identifying as bisexual also provided participants with an opportunity to find and describe themselves in a way they had not able to before. Participant N explained how he never felt like he ‘fitted in’ anywhere but identifying as bisexual assisted him in finding a space where he felt he could be himself. For such participants, social stereotypes about bisexuality no longer influenced participants’ satisfaction with their sexual identity.

Reclaiming through ‘inviting in’

For participants in this study, disclosure of sexual identity was a big part of being bisexual as it allowed individuals to express themselves and not hide who they were. This theme discusses the coming out experience, or as Participant N called it ‘inviting in’. It describes the choices participants made when disclosing their bisexuality by their own means, and to people who they trusted.

Participant N: ‘The way I think about it is, look, in life there’s always going to be layers of connecting with people around us and when it comes to sexuality, it’s not going to be a once-off event. When I talk about letting or inviting in, it’s me understanding that I have come to a point in my relationship with you that it’s relevant for you to be invited into my circle and understand that I am a bisexual man’.

Fear of judgement and invalidation

This sub-theme engaged with the reasons why participants’ fear of judgement could make ‘inviting in’ a difficult process. The primary reason participants in this study gave for being hesitant to disclose their bisexual identity derived from the stereotypes and discrimination prevalent in South African society. As participant E put it, things are hard ‘Because of [the] media. You know those people who make nasty comments about the LGBTQ community’.

Participant E substantiated the idea that other people’s beliefs and negative behaviour toward queer identities created a fear to disclose. In a study conducted in North America, Flanders, Dobinson, and Logie (2015) found that coming out could be a source of stress, anxiety and exhaustion for bisexual individuals because other people did not recognise bisexuality as legitimate. As a result, bisexual people have constantly to explain and motivate others to accept their sexual identity. Participant L, who had not been out at the time, feared that when she finally decided to disclose her bisexuality, she would be faced with judgement and invalidation. ‘That knowledge that I share with them can turn those thoughts into judgements and then they would start tearing it down and trying to find flaws in it’.

Despite the fears of judgement and invalidation that participants experienced, they had come to a point where they felt stable in their identity. However, reaching this point brought with it anxiety since being open about their bisexuality might mean there was a risk of being rejected.

Inviting in friends, not family

Participants reported that while they might disclose their bisexuality to friends, they rarely did so to their families. In a study conducted in North America, Todd, Oravecz, and Vejar (2016) noted that bisexual individuals tended to report that the reactions of family members would be negative, and so they felt more comfortable disclosing to ‘other’ people.

Participant E: ‘I’ve only told my closest cousins and my friends. I know I trust my parents but… from my judgement I can see that they won’t accept. They might not accept immediately – let’s just say they’re not going to accept. It’s not going to be nice with conflict in the house’.

Moreover, as Participant H noted, it could be a ‘pleasant experience’ letting your friends in. Participant D explained that his friends had been more comfortable with him after he invited them in. As he put it, ‘They were quite supportive, they weren’t judgy, so I didn’t feel uncomfortable doing that’.

Inviting friends in was important to participants, it led them to the development of a deeper sense of friendship, support and trust which was integral to having their own sense of identity validated.

Inviting in the LGBTQ+ community

Participants believed that the LGBTQ+ community could serve as a safe space for them. Participants explained that when they invited queer people in, they were generally met with acceptance. Some participants experienced this acceptance with excitement. Participant J explained,

Oh, they’re like, ‘Hey now girl, you too!’, like ‘hashtag me too!’ A whole positive movement. Like, ‘welcome home baby girl!’. They’re like, ‘Welcome to our world, how are you?’

According to Participant G, ‘People who are LGBT are definitely more understanding of it than straight people because they’ve also gone through that process of questioning’. Rubin and Matsick’s work in North America (2018) supports this; in their study they found that lesbian and gay people had more positive attitudes toward bisexual people, perhaps because they too had been through a process of questioning their sexual identity because they do not fit in the heterosexual category.

Having said this, there were occasions when participants reported that queer people did not immediately accept their bisexuality. Rather, they were questioned as to whether they were not just homosexual or heterosexual. Participant H described how he had found himself questioned when he tried to invite in people who were gay. Participant G further explained how she was hesitant to disclose her sexuality, especially online, because some gay men and lesbians were not accepting of bisexuality. She explained, ‘And especially online, there’s a lot of gay and lesbian people invalidating bi people, saying they need to pick a side and that’s also discouraging to me and a lot of people’. This finding illustrates the pervasiveness of an either/or categorisation and having to fit neatly into one particular category, governed by the homosexual/heterosexual binary.

Ultimately, participants in this study indicated that it was important for there to be a sense of trust in a relationship, especially knowing whether or not they would not be judged, before inviting in people to know about their bisexuality.

Discussion

Scroggs and Vennum (2021) document how identity development occurs through connection with similar others, and Doan Van et al. (2019) explain how confidence in bisexuality is important for individuals not to be negatively affected by other people’s perceptions. In this study, acceptance of bisexuality by friends and by members of the LGBTQ+ community allowed participants to feel connected to those who understood them and often shared similar experiences. However, study participants explained that their experiences with others in the LGBTQ+ community were not always positive. Ultimately, there were both positive and negative aspects of connection with the wider LGBTQ+ community, with negativity being lessened in contexts where there was a more open appreciation of bisexuality.

Participants in the study benefited from the development of feelings of agency concerning their sexuality and sexual identity. This came from the understanding that it was acceptable to identify outside the homosexual/heterosexual binary, and that it is a personal choice whether or not (and to whom) to disclose their sexual identity, since making one’s sexual identity known to others is a process that requires careful consideration of possible rejection or invalidation (Feinstein and Dyar 2017).

Participants’ practice of ‘inviting in’, whereby they decided when to disclose their identity to people they deemed trustworthy, and who they felt would accept them regardless of their sexuality, is a notable finding from this study. Through the process of inviting in, participants claimed power and space for themselves in which they did not experience judgement from other people, because they were choosing when and with whom to disclose their sexuality.

Finally, confidence and acceptance of bisexuality alongside other aspects of identity allowed participants in this study to make decisions about who they were, and to whom they might disclose. This helped participants avoid the possible denigration and subjugation they might face when ‘coming out’ to everyone in a different way. Instead, they decided on who they would disclose their sexuality to, when and where, fostering a sense of agency and ownership over identity and a coherent sense of self.

Limitations

Like all research, this study had a number of limitations. First, data were collected in 2021 when COVID-19 restrictions in South Africa did not permit in-person interviews. In-person interviews would have allowed for easier rapport building and access to non-verbal cues which might have resulted in deeper understanding of the issues discussed. Second, because the study was part of a master’s degree undertaken by the first author, it must be understood as a small-scale enquiry whose findings should not be generalised and may be unrepresentative of the larger South African context. In further research, it may be helpful to investigate how attitudes towards gender and sexuality intersect to influence the process of bisexual development. A few participants in this study did not identify as cisgender, and they described the importance that their queer gender identity played in how they navigated both their sexual identity and their self-identity more generally.

Conclusion

In South Africa, young adults who identify as bisexual face many difficulties that impact on their feelings of acceptance, their self-perception, and their identity construction. This article has explained the importance and nuanced experience of processes of ‘inviting in’ whereby the young adult identifying as bisexual is able to develop a sense of agency in relation to their identity. The process of ‘inviting in’ trusted others reduced possible feelings of delegitimisation and the erasure of bisexuality from cultural and societal normative understandings for the young adults interviewed. As a result, participants in this study felt more secure and confident in their bisexual identity.

Acknowledgements

We thank study participants for generously sharing their experiences.

Disclosure statement

No potential conflicts of interest are reported by the author(s).

Additional information

Funding

The author(s) reported there is no funding associated with the work featured in this article.